Occupation: Custodian of Springfield Elementary School

Nationality: Scottish

Physique: Muscular

Favorite problem solving device: Shotgun

Attitude: Surly, especially when confronted by Principal Skinner

Stuff he has called Skinner:

• "Bath-taking, underpants-wearing, lily-hugger"
• "Croquet-playing mint-muncher"
• "Poodle Walker"

Extracurricular:

• Ran a haggis stand at the school carnival. "Get yer haggis, right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds. Good for what ails ya!"
• Tamed a wild wolf that broke into the school
• Viewed video of Selma Bouvier from "Low Expectations Dating Service"
• Secretly videotapes couples in their cars
• Cleared Homer of sexual harassment charges against a baby-sitter (with a videotape)
• Member of the Stonecutters
• Taught French class at Springfield Elementary due to budget cuts. "Bonjourrrrr, you cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"
• Was tormented by Nelson Muntz during detention duties