Title: Challenged
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: Humour, Challenge Response, a little S/J
Challenge Response: 1999 Alright Challenge, 1999 Fairytale Challenge
Spoilers: none that I can think of
Season/Sequel info: Fourth in the 'Danny Lurks' series. Sequel to The Sharing of Charlie Kawalsky. Set after Point of View, Season Three.
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: None
Summary: SG1 are on stand down....
Date: 11/10/99

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Lyrics from "All I wanna do (is make love to you)" by Heart used without permission

Author's Notes: After I posted The Sharing of Charlie Kawalsky several people said they'd like me to carry on with the series, so all I can say is - you brought this on yourselves, guys!
And I think I might have taken Sam's suggestion that someone ought to write a bodice ripper a little too literally..... <g>

Dedication: To Ness, for the terrific stuff she does with the archive.

All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.

copyright Wendy Parkinson October 1999

CHALLENGED

Colonel Jack O'Neill walked into Dr. Daniel Jackson's office with a scowl on his face. To say he wasn't happy was an understatement. Daniel and Teal'c turned round from the computer to face their colleague and smiled. "Hi Jack."
"O'Neill."
"We're on stand down for at least an hour," their commanding officer mumbled gloomily as he rammed his hands into his trouser pockets.
"Why?"
A worried frown crossed O'Neill's features. "Er..... Simmons is fixing the doohickey that got misalligned with the whatjamacallit. He says it'll take a while." Taking in Daniel and Teal'c's raised eyebrows he felt the need to clarify things and added, "The Gate is broken."
Daniel decided that changing the subject was probably the wisest course of action. "Oh, right. Do you know where Sam is, Jack?"

The Colonel looked round the room, as if checking that the Major wasn't there. He shook his head. "Nope. No idea."
"She mentioned that the clone needed attention," offered Teal'c.
"The clone in the broom cupboard? The guy that's frightened of his own shadow? Mr. Minimum Whumpability himself?"
"Yeah, that's him," agreed Daniel, turning back to the computer.
"What did she mean by 'needing attention' anyway?"
Swivelling back to face Jack, the exasperation showed in Daniel's voice as he said, "How should I know? Ask Sam when she arrives."

"Ask Sam what?"
The three men turned towards Major Sam Carter, their mouths dropping open as they took in her appearance. She stood in the doorway looking considerably more dishevelled than usual. Her face was flushed, her hair mussed, her lipstick smudged and her jacket was buttoned up wrong.
Daniel did his best to stifle a smile. "Well, Jack, I think you've got your answer."
"Carter! What the hell have you been doing?"
"I..... er...... the clone needed attention," she stammered, as she surreptitiously tried to rebutton her jacket.
"Personal attention?" inquired Jack.
"He gets lonely," she countered defensively.
"Then get him a dog!" Jack was just about to come up with another cutting remark when there was a tap on the open door. A fresh faced young airman was waiting in the doorway and obviously wished he was somewhere else. "Yes, airman."
He cleared his throat nervously. "I have a package for Major Carter, sir." He proffered a long slim parcel wrapped in shiny gold paper. Jack snatched the present from his hand before Sam had chance to get to it.
"Dismissed, airman." The young man fled from the room.

Sam held her hand out, expecting Jack to pass the package to her. Instead, to her horror, he began to read the attached card.

"Tell me it's right,
Is it love at first sight?
Please don't make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.
All I want to do is make love to you,
Say you will,
You want me to.

From your Jack."

Daniel made a strange strangled noise and Teal'c's eyebrow went up with the inevitability of day following night. Sam was absolutely furious. How dare he read it out loud? OK, fair enough, the card was on the outside of the present, in full view. In fact, the airman had probably read it. But even so, how dare he? That last thought took a moment to register. The airman had read it. It'd be all over the base within the hour. Her heart sank further than she thought possible.

She pulled the package from Jack's grasp and turning her back on him, began to open it.
"Well, Carter. What have *I* sent you?"
"You're not the only *Jack* in my life, you know," she muttered, then as she revealed the contents of the parcel, she let out a contented sigh and turned to face her team-mates. "Look, isn't it beautiful?" she asked, holding out a single white rose. "And for your information, *sir*, the verse on the card is from 'our song'."
"Let me get this straight. The clone in the broom cupboard is sending you flowers."
"If you want to put it like that, yes."
"And you and Mr. Minimum Whumpability have an 'our song'?"
"Yes, sir," Sam replied, sniffing the rose dreamily. "And don't call him that, it's not his fault."

"Er, guys," interrupted Daniel, desperate to change the subject and stop his two friends arguing. "Did you know that the S/J archive's been updated? They've got a Charlie Kawalsky shrine now."
"I heard from the AU!Kawalsky last week. He's having a great time in Ottawa at Siobhan's," said Jack. "So they made him their mascot, did they? Is that the shrine?" He peered over Daniel's shoulder at the screen. "Cool!"
Breathing a sigh of relief at Jack's distraction, Sam looked over Daniel's other shoulder. "What else is new?"
"An awful lot of stories. There are mission reports with a shippy perspective, you know, how many meaningful looks you two give each other, hug analysis, angst ratings......" Daniel hesitated when he looked up and saw the expression on Jack's face. "Well, I'm sure you get the general idea. The challenges section has been expanded too."

"I don't think I've seen that. What is it?" asked Jack curiously.
"Well," replied Daniel, as he went to the challenges page, "someone writes in with an idea for a story, or elements that have to be in that story and challenges everyone else to produce a story to fit." Jack looked baffled so Daniel carried on. "Perhaps if you look at some, it'll make more sense." He pointed to the screen.

"1999 Handcuff Challenge." Jack began to read. "Write a story based on the following line from "The Price You Pay" (written by Ashley McConnell). Need not be NC-17/R... but that's the intention. No other umm restrictions required. "He wasn't going to lose it over a few chains, he told himself firmly; why, handcuffs could be taken in a whole different context sometimes." -- Jack O'Neill". Jack looked away from the computer. "Now that sounds fun.... why don't we give it a try?"
"I concur, O'Neill. It appears to be a fascinating way to pass the time," added Teal'c.
Sam looked doubtful. "OK, but let's not do the first one we read, perhaps if we go through the list first." Then she added quietly, almost as an afterthought, "If he really thinks I'm going to get involved in writing a story about handcuffs...."

Daniel scrolled down the page. "How about this one?" He began to read out loud. "1999 NC17 Challenge. Your mission (should you choose to accept it) :) is to write a story (whatever rating) where Jack and Sam make love in some place unusual. It can be anywhere, just not the obvious--a bed at home or on the base. Go for it folks!" He turned and looked hopefully at his team-mates.
"NO!!"
"You've got to be kidding, Danny boy!"
Daniel shrugged and continued searching the list. Jack spotted something. "Stop! Look at that one. We could do that!"
"The 1999 P3X595 Challenge?" asked Daniel. "But it wouldn't be fiction. We know what happened."
"And fortunately no-one else would ever believe it, sir," added Sam. "Has anyone responded to that one, Daniel?"
"Yeah, there have been a few. No-one was even close. Your secret's safe, Sam."

She looked slightly relieved and then pointed at the screen. "That's it! The 1999 Fairytale Challenge!"
The others carefully read through Miki's challenge. Jack was the first to speak. "Yeah, let's go for it. I've always wanted to be a knight in shining armour....."
"Do you want to start, Sam?" asked Daniel, standing up so she could take his place at the computer.
"OK," she said, smiling, "I'll start it but you guys all have to write a chapter too." They agreed as Sam settled down and began to type.

A Stargate SG1 Fairy Tale

Once upon a time the fair maiden Samantha was being held captive by the evil King Maybourne. He had imprisoned her deep within his castle in a dark dungeon.

Waiting and hoping that someone would come to her rescue, Samantha sat in her dungeon and wept over the dress King Maybourne had forced her to wear. She was swathed from head to toe in yard upon yard of slightly crumpled peach taffeta. The dress had frills, it had ruffles. It was easily three times wider than she was. There were artificial flowers stuck at random intervals around the hem. It flounced, it bounced. The only place it fit her was at the neck and the wrists. She felt like a ship in full sail. It was the epitome of inelegant. In short, it was the most hideously ugly dress ever made.

Samantha's father, Lord Jacob, had sent out a proclamation asking if there were any men brave enough to rescue his daughter. Only three knights in the whole kingdom came forward. They were Teal'c the strong, Daniel the wise and Jack the brave. One bright, sunny morning they set forth on a heroic quest to rescue her.

"Your turn, Teal'c," said Sam, as she stood up.
"Very well, Major Carter." The Jaffa took his seat and began typing very slowly, with two fingers.
Jack, Sam and Daniel looked at each other.
"This could take a while," whispered Jack. The other two nodded in agreement. "So how are the guys on the list, Daniel?"
"Well, there are a lot of really cool newbies and a few regulars have been busy with real life. Shipper for example. I think she's having problems with chemistry. And Lola's been to England. Ness still has stress and Caroline keeps forgetting which colour pills to take. I think she muddles them up with her crayons. But they're all still projecting as hard as they can."
"Some things never change....." mumbled Sam.

The three knights approached the castle of the evil King Maybourne. They gazed up at its fortified turrets with awe. Getting inside was going to be a formidable task. Teal'c the strong volunteered to make the first attempt. He scaled the steep, rocky wall of the castle, careful to keep a lookout for guards in the service of the evil King.

In her dungeon, the fair Samantha sighed and walked over to the tiny window. As she gazed longingly out at the countryside her eyes were drawn to a figure climbing the castle wall below her. Her heart leapt. It was Teal'c the strong. Her father must have sent him to rescue her.

She leant out of her window and waved to him. He acknowledged her with a nod of his head as he continued his ascent. Time passed slowly for Samantha as Teal'c the strong made his way to her room.

Finally, his head appeared at the open window. He took one look at her clothed in such an unbecoming fashion, screamed in horror and disappeared from view. Samantha ran to the window and peered down. Teal'c the strong was already halfway to the bottom. Her heart sank. She sat down on her bed and wept at the hopelessness of her situation.

When Teal'c the strong returned to Daniel the wise and Jack the brave he shook his head sadly. "I failed in my quest. Her dress is so unspeakably ugly I could not remain in her presence. Even Junior the small could not protect me from its horror."

"Junior the small?" said Jack incredulously.
Teal'c stood up. "It seemed appropriate, O'Neill. Who is next?"
"I've got an idea. I'll go next," volunteered Daniel.

"I will try to rescue the fair Samantha," said Daniel the wise. "Now I know about the dress, I can prepare myself for the trauma of seeing it. I will prevail!"

He began to climb the castle wall, all the time repeating over and over to himself. "It's only a dress, it's only a dress, it's only a dress...."
From her prison, Samantha heard his voice and looked out of her window. "It's Daniel the wise," she exclaimed in joy, clasping her hands to her chest. "He will rescue me from my misery."

Finally, after much effort, he could see through the window. The words, "It's only a dress" died on his lips as was confronted with the full horror of it. He shook his head in terror. "I can't.... I...... I.... I have to go...." And before Samantha could say anything, he too had disappeared.

She sat down and cried with hopelessness. No-one would save her. Two valiant knights had tried and failed. She was shaken from her thoughts when the door opened and King Maybourne walked in. "I know two knights have attempted to rescue you, fair Samantha. They have both failed." He moved closer and grabbed hold of her dress. "This is the best security device I could wish for. It's so hideous, no man will look at you. I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"

As he swept from the room King Maybourne laughed evilly. Samantha burst into tears. Who would save her?

"OK, Jack. You're it!" said Daniel. "You get to rescue Sam and finish the story."

"Sweet!" The Colonel sat down and began to type.

Daniel the wise had returned to his friends at the bottom of the wall. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I failed as well. The dress is so unspeakably ugly nothing can prepare you for it." He turned to Jack the brave. "Are you going to try?"
"Of course I am," replied Jack the brave. "I cannot leave the fair Samantha in the clutches of that madman."

As Jack the brave began to climb he had an idea. He wouldn't look at the dress. It must be possible to rescue Samantha without looking at her. When he neared her window, he called softly to her. "Samantha! It is I, Jack the brave, come to rescue you!"
"My hero!" she whispered.
Samantha's heart soared. A true hero at last! Then his voice came again. "Stay back, I'm coming in!" She sat on the bed as he climbed in through the open window. He straightened himself up and stared resolutely at the floor. "I have come to save you but I cannot look at your dress."

"But how can you help me down the castle wall without looking at me? I'll fall for certain."
Jack the brave realised she spoke the truth, then hit upon another idea. "Come here, fair lady."
Samantha walked over to him and stopped about a yard away. Jack the brave closed his eyes and raised his head. "Do you trust me, Samantha?"
"With my life," she whispered softly.
He took a deep breath. "Come closer." She moved nearer until he could feel her dress brushing his legs. He reached out and grabbed the hideous dress with both hands and pulled as hard as he could. The sound of ripping fabric filled the room as he tore away its ruffles and frills.

"All right!!"
"Major?"
"Sorry, sir. Just getting involved in the story."

He kept pulling and ripping until Samantha gasped, "Stop! I think you can open your eyes now." Blinking a couple of times, he finally focused on the vision of loveliness in front of him. She gazed at him adoringly, her eyes shining with gratitude and love. The horrendous dress was in shreds. Its remaining tatters clung to every curve of Samantha's beautifully slim figure. "Jack the brave, how can I ever thank you?"
"Could I presume to beg a kiss from the fair lady?" enquired Jack the brave hesitantly.
She smiled. "There's nothing I'd like more." Samantha took a couple of steps towards him and he swept her into his arms.

He kissed her, tangling his fingers in her silky soft blonde hair. He kissed her, making her toes curl up and her knees go weak. He kissed her and she didn't want him to stop. Finally he pulled away, whispering, "We'd better go, before King Maybourne comes back."

She nodded in agreement and he helped her as they climbed down the castle wall. At its base they were reunited with Daniel the wise and Teal'c the strong who accompanied them on their journey to the house of Lord Jacob. When they arrived, Samantha's father thanked Jack the brave for rescuing his daughter. "Is there anything I can give you to express my gratitude?" asked Lord Jacob.

Jack the brave held his head high and said, "I would like the hand of the fair Samantha in marriage."
Lord Jacob laughed as he gave his consent and was heard to say, "And about time too....."

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End

"Sir, that was lovely, so ...." Sam left the sentence hanging, not sure what to say next.
"Glad you liked it, Carter," Jack replied, turning to face her. When his eyes met hers, he stopped dead.
"....so romantic," she finished.
They stared at each other, unable to tear blue eyes from brown and brown eyes from blue. Daniel looked from Sam to Jack and back again. He smiled to himself and then ostentatiously cleared his throat. "Guys? Now it's done, shall we post it to the archive?"

The End (definitely!)

wendyparkinson@hotmail.com

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