Title: "trouble@sgc.gov"
Authors: Wendy Parkinson and Vanessa Nichols
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com nessi_anne@yahoo.com
Category: Humour, S/J
Spoilers: Shades of Grey, A Hundred Days, Urgo, Foothold, Past
and Present
Season/Sequel info: set Season Three, just after A Hundred Days.
Ninth in
the Danny Lurks series, sequel to Die, Martouf, Die!. Contains
major
references to Danny Lurks 6 - You Know Me and Computers.
Rating: PG13 (a little bad language)
Content Warnings: none
Summary: Ness has never had so much e-mail.......
Ness' site: : http://www.geocities.com/nessi_anne/
Date: 11/02/99
Author's Notes: This episode of the Danny Lurks saga is a
*little*
different. <g> As I'm sure you've already noticed, it's a
collaboration
between myself and Ness and came about spontaneously when Ness
mailed me
(sorry, I mean when Ness mailed Dr. D <g>) last week. We've
written it in
about four days flat and you may be interested to know that Ness
now has a
new motto - 'don't mind me, I'm sleep deprived!'.
The format is a little unusual - the story is a series of e-mails
between
Ness and various personnel at the SGC. We hope you like it!
And just in case you're interested - Ness wrote all the bits from
Ness
(well, duh!) and I wrote almost all the rest (Ness did the last
SGC mail and
one of the others).
Enjoy!
Wendy
Lyrics to "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain
used without
permission. No infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko
Corp and
Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely
for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no
copyright or
trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real
persons, living
or dead, is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly
appreciated. No
flames please.
copyright Vanessa Nichols and Wendy Parkinson February 2000
From: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com>
To: Dr. D. Jackson <djlurk@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Lateness, Replies, Favours & Secrets
Hey Dr D!
Sorry I haven't written in such a long time--real life got kind
of
crazy for me for awhile. :) Anyway, first off, some replies:
On Mon 15th Nov, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson" wrote:
> I would like to apologise for taking so long to answer
> your e-mail but I've been out of the country.
Well, although I don't have the "out of the country"
excuse, I know
the feeling! :) I'll forgive you, if you forgive me. If you don't
mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're American, and
from
Colorado... :)
> Also, I would like to draw your attention to my new
> e-mail address. I considered that it would be more
> discreet if I didn't use my office address for
> personal stuff. I'm sure you understand.
Sure I understand. :) Isn't yahoo great? Especially for
"personal
stuff". Oh, by the way, I also changed the addy on your
story in the
archive to reflect as much as well. Did I tell you that it went
into
the archive? I'm sure I must have, but if I didn't--oops, I'm
sorry!
:)
>>>> PS. Nice name :>
>>> Well, I'm kind of used to it...
>> Hmm...
> Not you as well? You know I'm always getting
> mistaken for 'him'. It can get quite annoying.
Gee, that *would* be annoying. :)
>>> though I am curious, how'd you get your email
>>> account to read "@sgc.gov"?
>>> That would be classified.
>> *Really*? Might I ask what kind of work you do?
> Well, I travel a lot on behalf of a particularly
> paranoid branch of the government. SGC actually
> stands for 'Senate Ghostbusting Committee'.
> Obviously, I'm not supposed to talk about it.
Of *course*. That explains it then. :)
On Fri 24th Dec, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson" wrote:
> Message: I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas
> and a Happy New Year. I'd also like to thank
> you for all the great work you do with
> the archive and all the encouragement you have
> shown me.
> Ps Considering it's summer where you are I
> thought the surfing Santa was appropriate!
Now I know that I sent you a very hurried and brief thank you and
Merry Christmas for this email, but I just wanted to thank you
again.
It was such a sweet gesture and stuff like this just makes all
the
archive stuff I do seem completely worthwhile! :) Not that I
don't
get satisfaction from it regardless... but, well, you know...
praise
is always nice. :)
I hope you had a nice Christmas, I know I did. :) How was your
new
year's?
Oh, before I go, I was wondering if you could do something for
me.
I'm in kind of rush to get the archive updated right now,
otherwise
I'd send the appropriate email myself.
Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
"Jacksex.doc" for her and the only things I noticed was
that
"satisfy" only has one 't', and that the phrase:
"Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his
lips began
grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms splayed flat
against his back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his
spine,
feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her touch."
would be better split into two sentences, i.e.:
"Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his
lips began
grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
soothing away the non-existent wounds. Palms splayed flat against
his
back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine, feeling
the
well-defined muscles shift under her touch."
Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of "New
Ground"
is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up with that
title
as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her story reflects any
of
what you guys will be showing us in a couple of weeks. ;)
Also, can you ask her to let me know whether or not she wants me
to
use her "@sgc.gov" addy when archiving the story or if
she has a
yahoo account like you do for "personal stuff".
Anyway, gotta run. Say hi to Jack, Teal'c, Janet and the General
for
me, and tell Martouf that it's safe for him to read the list
again...
for the moment at least. ;) I hear he got pretty worried about
some
of the recent discussions. :)
Later, Ness.
BTW: your secret is safe with me... "Senate Ghostbusting
Committee"
indeed! LOL!
From: Col. J. O'Neill <joneill@sgc.gov>
To: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com >
Subject: Re: Lateness, Replies, Favours & Secrets
Hi Ness,
I'm writing to tell you that the story you've just beta-ed for
Major
Samantha Carter, New Ground (formerly known as Jacksex), doesn't
belong to
her and she had no right to send it to you. I wrote it and I'm
seriously
annoyed that she is passing it off as hers. I consider her
actions to be
blatant plagiarism. I put a lot of hard work into it, in fact it
took me two
weeks in all, though it would have been quicker if I hadn't
accidentally
deleted it a couple of times.
I had asked Daniel to send it to you for me when Sam found the
story and, I
thought, destroyed it. As she described it as 'twisted' and
'perverted' and
said that one part of it was physically impossible, I no longer
wish it to
be sent to the list or archived. It is obviously unsuitable for
public
viewing.
Major Carter and I have recently had some personal differences
and I believe
she may have sent the story to you to sattisfy her lust for
revenge, hoping
to publicly embarrass me.
I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have caused. I
will be
taking it up with Major Carter personally.
BTW, I think the archive, particularly the Kawalsky shrine, is
seriously
cool. Way to go, Ness!!
Yours,
Jack
(Col. J. O'Neill USAF)
From: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com>
To: Col. J. O'Neill <joneill@sgc.gov>
Subject: Re: Lateness, Replies, Favours and Secrets
Hey Jack,
> I'm writing to tell you that the story you've just beta-ed
for
> Major Samantha Carter, New Ground (formerly known as
Jacksex),
> doesn't belong to her
*Really*, I had *no* idea... ;)
> and she had no right to send it to you. I wrote it and I'm
> seriously annoyed that she is passing it off as hers. I
consider
> her actions to be blatant plagiarism.
Actually, she never *said* it was hers--rather she just asked if
I
could beta it for her.
> I put a lot of hard work into it, in fact it took me two
> weeks in all, though it would have been quicker if I hadn't
> accidentally deleted it a couple of times.
Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)
> I had asked Daniel to send it to you for me when Sam found
the
> story and, I thought, destroyed it. As she described it as
> 'twisted' and 'perverted'
In her email to me, she used the words "tender" and
"romantical"--perhaps you heard her wrong?
> and said that one part of it was physically impossible,
Actually, it is possible... providing you take the necessary
'precautions' first... ;)
> I no longer wish it to be sent to the list or archived. It
is
> obviously unsuitable for public viewing.
Now that would be a great shame. And when considering what other
people have sent to the list/archive... I don't think you have
any
worries about your story not 'fitting in'. :)
> Major Carter and I have recently had some personal
differences and
> I believe she may have sent the story to you to sattisfy her
lust
> for revenge, hoping to publicly embarrass me.
Now Jack, if she *was* planning revenge (which I doubt) then why
would she have sent it to me for beta'ing first? If her plan was
revenge, then sending it to the list/archive *without* someone
else
checking it would have been a better plan...
> I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have caused.
I will
> be taking it up with Major Carter personally.
No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)
> BTW, I think the archive, particularly the Kawalsky shrine,
is
> seriously cool. Way to go, Ness!!
You're very welcome Jack, I'm glad you like it so much. :)
Yours, Ness.
BTW: satisfy is spelt with one 't'... and Jack? Does Daniel know
that
you've been reading his email? ;)
From: Col. J. O'Neill <joneill@sgc.gov>
To: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Lateness, Replies, Favours & Secrets
Hi Ness,
Thank you for your prompt reply.
>
> > doesn't belong to her
>
> *Really*, I had *no* idea... ;)
I didn't think she would have told you.
> Actually, she never *said* it was hers--rather she just
asked if I
> could beta it for her.
But she didn't say it wasn't, did she?
> > accidentally deleted it a couple of times.
>
> Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)
Particularly when *someone* tells you 'del' stands for 'deliver'.
As she described it as
> > 'twisted' and 'perverted'
>
> In her email to me, she used the words "tender"
and
> "romantical"--perhaps you heard her wrong?
Considering the volume she said it at, I think that's extremely
unlikely.
>
> > and said that one part of it was physically impossible,
>
> Actually, it is possible... providing you take the necessary
> 'precautions' first... ;)
Really? I thought it was..... it's good to get a second opinion!
>
> > I no longer wish it to be sent to the list or archived.
It is
> > obviously unsuitable for public viewing.
>
> Now that would be a great shame. And when considering what
other
> people have sent to the list/archive... I don't think you
have any
> worries about your story not 'fitting in'. :)
At the moment, I stand by my decision. I may change my mind at a
later date.
>hoping to publicly embarrass me.
>
> Now Jack, if she *was* planning revenge (which I doubt) then
why
> would she have sent it to me for beta'ing first? If her plan
was
> revenge, then sending it to the list/archive *without*
someone else
> checking it would have been a better plan...
Why? Was it *that* bad?
>
> > I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have
caused. I will
> > be taking it up with Major Carter personally.
>
> No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)
I haven't found her yet.....
> Yours, Ness.
>
> BTW: satisfy is spelt with one 't'... and Jack? Does Daniel
know that
> you've been reading his email? ;)
He does now. But he really shouldn't print his mail out and leave
it lying
around on the desk in his office when I'd arranged to meet him
there and he
was late, should he? I think he may be going to mail you soon. I
don't think
he's very happy, but it's difficult to be sure because he won't
talk to me.
BTW, I passed your message onto Martouf. He said,
"Aaarrgghh!!!" when I
mentioned the list, then something about 'rehabilitation',
'therapy' and
'fluffy bunny rabbits'. Personally, I think he's lost the plot.
Yours,
Jack
From: Dr. D. Jackson <djlurk@yahoo.com>
To: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Lateness, Replies, Favours & Secrets
Hi Ness,
It's great to hear from you again! Don't worry about taking a
while to get
back to me, I know how hectic real life can get.
If you don't
> mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're American,
and from
> Colorado... :)
I don't remember telling you that...... but I do live in
Colorado, fairly
near Cheyenne Mountain (where NORAD is based - I'm sure you must
have heard
of them).
>
> > Also, I would like to draw your attention to my new
> > e-mail address.
> Sure I understand. :) Isn't yahoo great? Especially for
"personal
> stuff". Oh, by the way, I also changed the addy on your
story in the
> archive to reflect as much as well. Did I tell you that it
went into
> the archive? I'm sure I must have, but if I didn't--oops,
I'm sorry!
> :)
I don't think you actually said, but I hoped you'd put it in.
Thank you!
>
> On Fri 24th Dec, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson"
wrote:
>
> > Message: I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas
> > and a Happy New Year
> I hope you had a nice Christmas, I know I did. :) How was
your new
> year's?
Quiet, as I spent it with a less than talkative friend of mine.
The two
other friends who we usually socialise with had made their own
plans.
>
> Oh, before I go, I was wondering if you could do something
for me.
> I'm in kind of rush to get the archive updated right now,
otherwise
> I'd send the appropriate email myself.
OK, if I can help.
>
> Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
> "Jacksex.doc" for her
What!!?!
and the only things I noticed was that
> "satisfy" only has one 't',
and that the phrase:
>
> "Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as
his lips began
> grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his
tongue
> soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms splayed
flat
> against his back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his
spine,
> feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her
touch."
Oh my goodness.......
> Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of
"New Ground"
> is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up with
that title
> as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her story
reflects any of
> what you guys will be showing us in a couple of weeks. ;)
I haven't actually read the story. I had a copy in my hand once
but Sam
confiscated it. :-( However, I think I'm safe to say it'll be
nothing like
the mission you're referring to. I have no intention of 'showing'
anyone
anything!
I think I ought to mention that although Sam ended up with the
only copy of
the story, she didn't actually write it. The real author of the
story found
your e-mail after going through personal stuff on my office desk
earlier
today. He had absolutely no right to do this and I'm very annoyed
with him.
I think he may be going to mail you himself. I get the impression
he's
unhappy about Sam mailing you the story - just before I decided
to stop
speaking to him, he asked me how to spell 'plagiarism'. I think
you'll find
him easy to spot - he always spells 'satisfy' with two 't's'.
>
> Also, can you ask her to let me know whether or not she
wants me to
> use her "@sgc.gov" addy when archiving the story
or if she has a
> yahoo account like you do for "personal stuff".
I really don't know - I'll ask her to mail you.
>
> Anyway, gotta run. Say hi to Jack, Teal'c, Janet and the
General for
> me, and tell Martouf that it's safe for him to read the list
again...
> for the moment at least. ;) I hear he got pretty worried
about some
> of the recent discussions. :)
We thought you knew that we knew what you were discussing.....
but *how*?
I've passed the message on to Martouf. He said,
"Aaarrgghh!!" then muttered
something about 'a padded cell', 'psychiatry' and 'fluffy bunny
rabbits'.
Personally I think he's lost the plot.
>
> Later, Ness.
>
> BTW: your secret is safe with me... "Senate
Ghostbusting Committee"
> indeed! LOL!
Oh! Please don't tell anyone, will you?
regards
Dr. D.
From: Ness <nessi_anne@yahoo.com>
To: Maj. S. Carter <scarter@sgc.gov>
Subject: Re: Beta'ing Request
Hi Sam,
I know it took me a while to beta your story, but I asked Daniel
yesterday if he could pass on a message to you about it since I
was
kinda in a rush. I feel I should apologise for this because a) it
wasn't right for me to mention our conversations to someone else
(even if you are bestfriends) and b) because now my inbox is
beginning to look like I work for the government!
As I said to Daniel (again, I'm so sorry!), the only things I
spotted
was that satisfy is spelt with only one 't' and that:
> Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his
lips
> began grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin,
his
> tongue soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms
> splayed flat against his back, she slowly drew her hands up
and
> down his spine, feeling the well-defined muscles shift under
her
> touch.
would be better as:
Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips
began
grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
soothing away the non-existent wounds. Palms splayed flat against
his
back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine, feeling
the
well-defined muscles shift under her touch.
And I agree with you totally about the title "New
Ground" -- perfect!
And you're right as well about it being incredibly tender and
romantic!
Also, I'm afraid that Jack has now found out that you sent the
story
to me and despite the fact that I assured him that you hadn't
*claimed* the story as yours, he's now talking about plagiarism
and
positive that you only sent it to me out of revenge. I'm trying
to
calm him down (I figure it's the least I can do), as is Daniel by
all
accounts, but for the record, on sublevel 17 there's a door
behind
the closet in there that leads to an old bombshelter... might I
suggest hiding?
Again, I'm so sorry.
Apologies, Ness.