Title: Seize the Day
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email:
wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: Angst, S/J, missing scene
Spoilers: Point of View, First Commandment.
Season/Sequel info: Set during Point of View, season three
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Summary: When Jack visits Samantha in her room, she gives him some advice.
Archive: "Heliopolis" and "Sam and Jack"
Date: 11/1/2000

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.

copyright Wendy Parkinson January 2000



SEIZE THE DAY




"Come here."
Samantha stepped forward into his embrace and shuddered as the tears overtook her. "I miss him," she sobbed into Jack's shoulder. He stroked her hair gently. It felt soft and silky as it slipped gently through his fingers. He had to push back the urge to play with it, to run his fingers through it. Long hair had always held a fascination for him. It was strange how he'd fallen for women with short hair, first Sara, then Sam. Jack stopped himself. Sam? Where had that come from? She was his second in command, not his lover, no matter what his fantasies were.

"Oh Jack," murmured Samantha, "You even smell like him. Same after shave." She nuzzled her face into his neck and took a deep breath. He felt the air drawn across his skin and shivered. She pulled back. "What?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"You shivered. I felt you."
He shrugged, feigning innocence. "Someone walked over my grave, I guess."
Pursing her lips, Samantha continued, "Jack O'Neill, I know you." A frown crossed her features. "Well, kind of, anyway. You're uncomfortable holding me. It's reminding you of her, isn't it?"
"No," he whispered, his voice husky, his eyes not meeting hers.

Samantha looked at him reprovingly and gently shook her head. Stepping back, she took his hand in hers and led him across the room to the bed. She sat down and patted the cover next to her. "Join me?" He carefully seated himself, leaving a small space, a kind of no-man's land, between them. "So alike," she whispered to herself as she wiped her eyes. Samantha turned to Jack. "You know before, when I said you didn't think of Major Carter in that way, you never agreed with me, did you?"

Jack found his mouth going dry, his stomach churning. His eyes were drawn, almost of their own volition, to hers. It felt like she was staring into his soul. He swallowed and blinked, then licked his lips and said, "No, I can't think of her like that. She's under my command."
"Waving the regs at me, Jack?"
"Sorry?"
"When I asked my late husband out for the first time he had doubts about 'us' because we worked together. He couldn't see past the difficulties. Jack could be stubborn and frightened to express his feelings but he was a loveable, gorgeous, handsome man and I'm betting you're very like him." The colonel found himself blushing at the compliment and turned his head away so Samantha didn't notice. "So.... you still didn't answer my question. Do you think of Major Carter like *that*?" She stressed the 'that', filling it with meanings Jack tried to push to the back of his mind.

He smiled ruefully. "You're not going to let this drop, are you?"
"No," she smiled, "And I warn you, Jack O'Neill, I can tell when you're lying."
"How?" He found himself hovering somewhere between confusion and panic, he wasn't used to someone speaking to him in that way.
"Now that would be telling, wouldn't it? And stop trying to change the subject." She prodded him playfully in the ribs, then waited, an expectant and slightly amused look on her face.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he asked sulkily.
"That sounds like another attempt to change the subject to me...." She paused and tipped her head on one side. "Well?"
"I can't.... we can't...." he began hesitantly, his eyes darting around the room, looking everywhere except at Samantha.
She sighed. "I know the regulations, Jack. I'm not asking if you two getting involved is a court martial offence. I'm asking if you're attracted to her."
Jack nodded wearily. Samantha wasn't going to let him avoid answering and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to keep his feelings a secret any more. Perhaps it would be a relief to say how he felt out loud, even if it was to the wrong woman. "Oh yeah, I'm attracted to her. What man wouldn't be? She's beautiful, bright and the best second in command I've ever had."

Samantha sighed with relief. "Thank you! You know, that was reminiscent of pulling teeth." Jack laughed. He wasn't sure if it was at her joke, or the light-headedness that had overtaken him when he'd admitted he had feelings for Sam. Samantha smiled at him and stroked his arm. "So... what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing. I can't. It's against...."
"Regs! Don't say it! Jack O'Neill, you're beginning to sound like a broken record! I'm guessing you don't always follow the regs, my Jack didn't."
He shifted slightly on the bed, trying very hard to hide his embarrassment. Samantha really did seem to know him. Very well. "I've had my moments," he agreed.

"So tell her how you feel. If she feels the same, you'll find a way round the regs."
"I can't..."
"In other words, you're frightened to try."
Jack's eyes flashed with annoyance. "What are you, my conscience?"
"No, just a friend who knows what the two of you are missing. Jack, I had something wonderful with my husband. I think you and Major Carter are enough like us for the same thing to happen to you."

His shoulders sagged, he let out a deep breath and shook his head sadly. "She's never given me any indication that she thinks of me as anything other than her commanding officer. What would someone like her see in someone like me anyway? She could have anyone she wanted."
"Has she?"
"What?"
"Had anyone she wanted? Is she seeing anyone?"
"Not that I know of. She seems kind of attached to Martouf but I think that's sympathy. I don't think it's a romantic thing. She was engaged to Captain Jonas before she joined the SGC but she ditched him over three years ago."

Samantha's eyes widened in horror. "Jonas? That creep! How on earth did she get involved with such a loser? He once made a real idiot of himself at a base party. He wouldn't leave me alone. In the end, I agreed to dance with him in the hope it'd shut him up."
"Did it?"
"No. He got a bad case of wandering hands. You and Kawalsky.... sorry, Jack and Kawalsky took him outside and gave him a good talking to."
"Just talk? No physical violence?" Jack was disappointed. When they'd been on that mission and found Jonas behaving like a god, he'd been sorely tempted towards unprofessional behaviour, particularly when Jonas had hit Sam.
Samantha smiled. "Charlie told me afterwards that was the reason he'd gone too. He said it would have been a shame for Jack's career to end on a murder charge."
"I miss Kawalsky," murmured Jack quietly.
"He's a good friend," said Samantha. "He was Jack's best man at our wedding."
"In this reality, I'd have to ask Daniel to do that, though I'd dread to think what kind of speech he'd make."
"So you've thought about marrying again?" she asked mischievously.
"Fantasised would be more accurate."

"Jack, you've got to tell her. Don't just let things drift on as they are. In this line of work, who knows how long you've got. Jack and I only had a year. I hope you have longer but you've got to make a move, say something. You've got to seize the day."
"I'd like to but I can't just walk up to her and say 'excuse me Major, I think I've fallen for you. Would you do me the honour of being my wife?'"
"Of course you can't. You ought to call her Sam." Jack's head shot up and he found himself looking into Samantha's laughing face. She raised her hands in submission. "Joke. But you could tell her that Jack and I were married and ask her how she feels about that, or ask her how she's coping with another one of her running around in her reality."

Jack nodded. "Yes, I could ask how she's doing with the whole twin thing. Get a dialogue going. Thanks." He leaned across and kissed her on the cheek. A comfortable silence fell between them, then Jack cleared his throat. "Well, I'd better let you get your dinner before it gets cold."
"I think what you meant to say was 'I'd better go and find Major Carter before I lose my nerve'."
He laughed. "You do know me, don't you?"
Samantha reached across and squeezed his hand. "She could too."
"I hope so. Good night Samantha."
"Good night, Jack."

With a quick glance back at Samantha, he stood up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He set off down the corridor and was immediately confronted by the sight of Major Sam Carter walking towards him. His heart skipped a beat. There was no turning back now, he had to talk to her.

Sam spoke first. "Sir, General Hammond told me the news. I took the liberty of informing Major Kawalsky."
"Thank you. I was just on my way to do that." Jack quietly cleared his throat. He had to say something. Anything. Sam's voice penetrated his thoughts.
"I thought I'd drop in on..... Samantha. See how she's doing."
"She's fine. I think she'd rather be left alone at the moment. Stop in tomorrow." His stomach had clenched into a tight ball, the blood was racing in his ears. He had to say it....
"Oh, all right. Good night, sir."

No! She was leaving. Now, O'Neill, now.....
"Carter, how are you doing with this 'twin thing'?"
Sam's brow creased slightly, then she laughed. "Do you have a couple of hours?"
It was happening... it was finally happening.... Jack was unsure what to say next, he hadn't really planned anything past 'how are you doing with the twin thing'. "OK," he said nervously, after a considerable pause.

The major looked confused. "That was the answer."
Jack's heart plummeted to his toes. He might want to bare his soul to her but at the moment she didn't feel the same. He managed to mutter, "Oh," as his mind raced, wondering how to stop her walking away.
"Good night, sir."
Too late.

Blissfully unaware of her commanding officer's inner turmoil, Sam turned and made her way back down the corridor.

Jack berated himself. Nice one, O'Neill. Real smooth. Well, it wouldn't be tonight but one day he'd screw up the courage to tell her how he felt, what she meant to him. He stood alone in the corridor and watched her disappear out of view. "Good night, major," he whispered.


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