|
In a move to compete directly
with North East rivals Newcastle United, Sunderland manager. Peter
Reid has announced the shock signing of Germany's elder statesman of
football, the very old "Thomas Helmer".
In an interview with PG
Tips and London Zoo's internal paper "The Chimp" Peter Reid
said, "I'm very pleased to see such an established international
defender come to Wearyside. My joke of a side needs the firm jackboot
up the backside that a squareheaded sausage muncher looking to retire
soon can provide". After pausing to groom himself, Reid
continued. "I was determined to not let the anti-Geordie policy
continue, so I have copied their previous manager's tactic of Help
the Aged. With Niall Quinn up front and Bould and Helmer behind all I
need is Peter Shilton and Ray Wilkins to bring the great Sunderland
fans what they deserve".
Age Concern
spokeswoman, Linda Suchard said "I think it's disgusting in
today's society that the elderly are continuing to be forced to work
well into retirement age to supplement their pension. I only hope
that when Herr Helmer and Mr Bould collapse under the weight of their
collostomy bags, Peter Reid feels ashamed of himself"
|
