.

TOON SPOOF CONTEST

Menu of alternative lyrics Wear a Toon Shirt The Original

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:  Everbody's Free (To be a Student) by Andy Proctor   If I could offer you only one tip for the future, being a student would be it. The long-term benefits of being a student is a potential good job one day as proved by scientists with cushy jobs who were once students, the rest of my advice has no basis at all other than my own experience as a student. I will talk crap now. Enjoy the power and beauty of living life without a care in the world other than where the next beers coming from. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of this until your out in the real world. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of a course night out and recall how wasted you were, how much beer you had and how fabulous that lass on your course you nearly got away with but didn't cause you threw up on her really looked. You are even more gutted than imagine. Don't worry about going to lectures. Or worry, but know that worrying should only be done for about a minute then you should stay in the union bar and have another pint instead. The real troubles in your student life are not lectures and course work but where's the money for you next pint going to come from and whether to get out of bed at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing that vaguely resembles college work every day. (just to keep your conscience clean) Drink. Be reckless with young freashers hearts. Put up with people who are reckless with yours when you're a freasher as it will be your turn next year. Smoke. Don't waste your drinking time on assignments. Sometimes you'll pass, occasionally you'll fail. The course is long and you get plenty chances, in the end, your bound to pass. Remember your good work. Forget the rubbish. You'll be able to recycle the good at least twice. Keep your old beer cans and make a wall out of them. Throw away your bank statements (don't even look at them it's bad for your health). Take recreational drugs. Don't feel guilty that you don't know what you want to do with your life except be a student. The most interesting people I know are still students at 22 and still don't know what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know are still students (be careful though as most mature students are extremely boring). Drink plenty of alcohol. Don't be kind to your liver. You can always get a new one when it's gone. Maybe you'll get a degree, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll then get a job, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll still be a student at 40, maybe you'll go off back packing round the world once you graduate. Whatever you do, don't enter the real world until you have too, or pay back your student loans either. Your choices are an easy life and fun or the real world and work. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your Student union. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what people in the real world think of it. It's one of the greatest places you'll ever go (cheap beer and food and hundreds of other dossers). Dance,  especially at student nights at the local night-clubs . Read the swotty kids course notes, even though you probably won't follow them. Do not read the recommended course texts. They will only make you feel thick, as you won't understand a single word. Get to know your course leader. You never know they may be able to get you out of trouble sometime. Be nice to your course geeks. They're your best link to what happened in the lectures you didn't go to and the people most likely to be able to help with that piece of course work you keep failing. Understand that college mates will disperse all over when the course is finished and you will loose track of most, but with a precious few you should make sure you stay in touch. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the closer you get to the real world, the more you need the people who headed out there early, are doing well and could help you get your foot in the door for a chushy job. Live in halls of residence once, but leave before your kicked out for trashing the place. Live in student house once, but leave before your Landlord threatens legal action . Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Your course will finish. You will have to enter the real world. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were a student, you went to all your lectures, you did all your course work and you respected your lectures. Respect your fellow students. Expect everyone else to support you. Maybe you have a grant. Maybe you have a hefty overdraft facility. But you know both will run out. Don't take college and the real world seriously or by the time you're 40 you will look 85, or have had a break down or heart attack. Be careful whose course notes and assignments you borrow, but be patient with those who supply them. Other peoples work is a provider of good ideas. Plagiarising is a way of getting the best bits of everyone else's work, patching it together, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for better mark than your own work would have been worth. But trust me on being a student. ,Mary Schmich wrote the words to Sunscreen in her column of the Chicago times on June 1st 1997. The origional text is here. She invites you to post a Geordie version. Post your entries here! Here are a few titles to get your brain cells working, Everybody's Free (To Wear Man U shirts) Everybody's Free (To Wear Toon Gear) Everybody's Free (To Pierce their Nipples) Everybody's Free (To smash up the Bigg market) Everybody's Free (To Wear no coat in the winter) Everybody's Free (To call their baby Keegan) Everybody's Free (To be a sad geek like Rik) Everybody's Free(To Wear A Northumbrian Kilt) I will post all the BETTER entries on this page. ADVICE, LIKE YOUTH, PROBABLY JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG By Mary Schmich ... June 1, 1997   Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.   I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.  Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:   Wear sunscreen.   If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.   Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.   Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.   Do one thing every day that scares you.   Sing.   Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.   Floss.   Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.   Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.   Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.   Stretch.   Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.   Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.   Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.   Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.   Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.   Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.   Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.   Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.   Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.   Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.   Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.   Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.   Respect your elders.   Don't expect anyone else to support you. maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.   Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.   Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.   But trust me on the sunscreen.

You turn, post your Geordie Versions to me here! The Small print......, If you are reading this then you must be very sad and have extremely good eyesight. i certainly can't read it. Riksplace is best viewed using netscape Communicator v 4.5, with your screen resolution set at 800x 600 This site is spread across 3 providers, Globalnet, Xoom and Geocities, sometimes one of the internet providers may be down , I hope this does not spoil your surfing pleasure. All Items, ideas on these pages © Riksplace UK© All Rights Reserved. Designed Using Netscape.You can steal whatever you like for your own web site as long as you ask me first E Mail riks@globalnet.co.uk and make a link back to this Web Site. http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~riks/ All graphics are designed by Eddy Suryadi , if you want your own custom graphics then contact him at deco@dnet.net.id..