."Football is a religion on Tyneside" Click here to Enter the church of  Rik

Today, we welcome with open arms the triple winners

Manchester United to St James' park.

Before the game commences we meet a couple of their fans.

Georgie Lodge, A typical Man United fan

Off to the ground, and best wishes are exchanged between

the two sets of fans.

Newcastles splendid new stand is taking shape

Mr Lodge goes back into the dressing room in the hope that his son Georgie has turned up with his spare contact lenses.

Unfortunately for him, he hasn't .

The game kicks off and Newcastle are all over their friends from Manchester.

Large Duncans brilliant volley, brings the first goal

large Duncan does his back in!

Newcastle almost get a second, when Dyer's chip over the keeper hits the post.

The first half ends with Newcastle leading One - Nil

The second half sees Steve Harper make a fine save when Andy Cole lobs the ball over him. Roy Keane, then almost hospitalises Steve Harper in a challenge at the Newcastle end. The referee, tells Mr Keane that he shouldn't have been so aggressive. he also points out to Mr Keane that he has a slight body odour problem and it may be a good idea if he took a bath.

Mr Keane declined the offer and the game continued.

Mr Keane then tackles Mr lee, in a rather dangerous way.

Mr Keane insists that the referee needs his eyesight testing and that the tackle was in no way dangerous.

Mr Keane, goes off for an early bath

Mr Lodge, tells Mr Keane that his body odour problem is getting worse and insists that he takes an early bath.

The game continues,

 Large Duncan has a niggling strain on his back, caused by him giving Mr Barton a piggy back ride earlier on.

He is replaced by Ketsbaia, who tries to make a good impression to the scouts watching him from Portsmouth.

 It's "England's, number one" though and not "the bald headed one" who gets on the scoresheet next

Shearer gets the second

The New Paraguayan Diego Gavilan and the new left winger Didier Domi, come on for the last 10 minutes as the onslaught continues.

and the third

And so It ends.

Shearer, practicing for a panto?

Newcastle United 3 the other United 0.

Off to the Strawberry to commiserate with the Manchester fans that have come all this way to see their magnificent team annihilated by an even better Newcastle one.

I'm sure they will appreciate a bit of sympathy from us

Oooooo aren't those nice lads from Manchester really dangerous looking?


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