hypa ANALYSIS
Instead of our usual analysis of the events of the past week, for this special new year update of hypa's pages we are turning our attention to the future. Below, we take a look at what the future holds for all of you, as predicted by the stars in the sky which can obviously show what will happen in the future.
1998 - What the Future Holds
This forthcoming year will begin on 1 January and will last all year. 1998 will be dominated by the red planet, Jupiter, which means that for rich people it will be a truly great and emotional year, while for poor people all over the world it will be pretty much as bad as the last year.
ARIES (21 Mar - 20 Apr): Rams will need to be sheared in early spring but you will find that you inadvertently set a new trend in hair style when you accidentally set fire to your hair in late April. To avoid this fate, don't cook or smoke in April. This worry apart, you will have a year of great joy as all your favourite TV programs will get better than ever.
TAURUS (21 Apr - 21 May): Bulls will find themselves secured to the stake more securely than ever in 1998 as the old rope is replaced by high-tensile steel cabling. This will reassure you that you will not drift away down-stream as you feared.
GEMINI (22 May - 22 Jun): As everyone else slows down during the summer, you will find yourself feeling left high and dry and out of touch with those you love. These feelings may drive you to suicide in late Autumn. Seek counselling before then.
CANCER (23 Jun - 23 Jul): The new moon in early March will lead to you undergoing a radical personality change. This will result in you becoming a nice person, but you will find that you have no friends left because you have always been so nasty to them.
LEO (24 Jul - 23 Aug): You will be continue to have good luck in 1998, and even near-disastrous situations will result in you smelling of roses. Do anything you like in 1998 and you will get away with it.
VIRGO (24 Aug - 23 Sep): Mercury is the ruler of your sign, and as it continues to rise you will find yourself getting increasingly agitated. However when Mercury goes back down you will realise how insignificant everything is.
LIBRA (24 Sep - 23 Oct): 1998 is the year when you will stop being nice to all the people whom you dislike. You will let them know how you really feel. In 1998 you will also lose your job and have to find other employment.
SCORPIO (24 Oct - 22 Nov): The new year will be kind to you, bringing you riches beyond your wildest dreams. Spend everything you have, though, because you will lose everything you have left in 1999.
SAGITTARIUS (23 Nov - 21 Dec): While others have been taking a lead, out of loyalty you have been following along behind. In 1998 you will step out of the shadows and lead from the front. However, most of the decisions you make will be wrong and you will soon come to regret it.
CAPRICORN (22 Dec - 20 Jan): In the last year something crucial has changed for the better, and in 1998 something else will improve as well. You will also go bald.
AQUARIUS (21 Jan - 19 Feb): As Mars will be in conjunction with Pluto you will find yourself in an incredibly attractive picture. Whatever you face, you will have the energy and wit to deal with it. You are just brilliant.
PISCES (20 Feb - 20 Mar): 1998 will be a quiet year for you as you struggle to come to terms with the wreckage that is your life. Don't look forward to 1999 either, because that will be just as bad.