I grew up in an area of North London, Tottenham, which is now known as the Broadwater Farm Estate; at that stage it was very much dilapidated terraced housing. At the time it seemed very normal. It's very strange now when I look back, to think people will talk about various communities of North London, East London, having this wonderful Cockney spirit. All I happened to know was that of a morning after I'd had something to eat, for example during the holiday period when I wasn't at school, I would have to go out during the day. During the winter months my mother would not have any heating on because she couldn't afford to have the heating on. I would be out all day left very much to my own devices. I just more or less grew up with what was happening around me. I was aware of all the violence that took place and I just ensured that I looked after myself by getting to know the right people, and the right people really could be, looking back now, obviously the wrong people. They were the people that kept me fit and well in terms of any violent action against myself.

I am now 42 years of age. As I look back at the Church, it was very much entwined with my education. I went to a Catholic junior school. I performed very well in terms of my Eleven Plus and I went to a school in the Camden area, which was actually run by Christian Brothers. My parents were very proud of me at that stage and it was the first time that I actually felt useful, but during that time at school it wasn't very pleasurable for me really, because being regarded as an academic in the area where I lived was an anomaly. For the first time I stood out. I should have been proud of standing out, but I didn't have the strength or the conviction. I really sort of went through school, even though I came out with 'O' levels and 'A' levels, and perhaps well enough to go to a university, but I didn't want to do that. I had two lives, the one life was entwined with a Catholicism in terms of the school, because it went hand in glove. Everything was centered around the Church, but I would come home to an area where there were drugs and there were all forms of crime. I had a definite decision to make: go down whatever road, I took the easiest route, and the easiest route was that of crime.

Crime was something that didn't just happen, it was a gradual thing, whereas, when I was very young one would steal chocolate bars etc. because I had no dinner money and I felt that was quite justified. Greed just took over and my needs increased. I always looked to justify everything I did do, therefore I always had a conscience .Greed was rampant in my makeup. It started as petty crime but progressed to stealing cars. I was highly rated by my friends, as I could get into a car quicker then most people, therefore I was regarded as a hero. But crime really started for me, in terms of major crime, not street crime, but company fraud etc. after I had a brief term as a footballer. Now, that would have been ideal, because once again, if my friends perceived me as being a footballer; that would be the greatest thing that "we know Fred the footballer", the next best thing was "we know Fred the great car thief".

During this period of time, I was obviously in trouble with the police and I couldn't have been that much of a good criminal in terms of getting away with my activities. Then it developed from there. The football career was very short lived, I wasn't good enough. Then I had various jobs and I sort of moved away from some of the crowd that was on the streets. It took me away really, from a very heavy drug and drink scene and that was something that I felt that I'd done for myself. I did feel that in terms of my Catholic faith, I wasn't under pressure any more to go to church, I wasn't under pressure by anyone to do anything really, and I started to go back to church. I used to sit at the back of the Church. I would come in late during the Mass and go out before the end so I wouldn't have to shake the priest's hand on the way out. It helped me for a period of time, but I became quite insular because I didn't really have too many friends. The work situation was looking quite good. I'd worked for one or two companies in a sales role. I found that to be an area in which I could achieve quite well in terms of communication. I worked as a sales rep but unfortunately, there were still one or two bad habits which came to the fore. In terms of the fraudulent activities, that's when I suppose in the area of criminality, maybe I notched up a gear, as opposed to stealing cars in the street. Suddenly, I was performing fraudulent activities against different companies and that's when my first term of imprisonment took place.

My first term of imprisonment was in Wormwood Scrubs, I really reverted back to one or two things I'd learnt as a child. Prison is actually just full of misguided children and people who have no direction. Most of them used to inflate their crimes to each other, nobody really wanted to be in for something minor, like stealing money from a sweet shop, everyone wanted to be this major criminal. I realised that what I needed to do was to find out quite quickly who the so called hard people were, the so-called drug barons, and ingratiate myself with them. That was something I'd done as a child, I just reproduced that same formula. So my term was actually no punishment whatsoever, I got myself a job in the Officers' Mess and I used to drink more alcohol than most of the officers did! So really I just saw it as a jolly-up. Some prisoners actually run some prisons, and the governors, it appears, are just tokens of authority, in my opinion. Working in the Officers' Mess, I used to smuggle alcohol out of the Mess and then I used to sell it within the prison. I actually came out of a six month stretch in Wormwood Scrubs relatively well off; more so than if I'd been a sales rep working on the road, because I was turning all this into money and I was smuggling it out.

After my term of imprisonment there was still more crime. I did go to prison a second time and it was then that I began to have some direction in life, because the second time round I was in an open prison. I worked as a gardener there and I got talking to the priest who came to the prison, and it was whilst I was doing his garden we sat down. He was a young priest, we talked all the time. He didn't talk to me about God, he didn't talk about spiritualism, he just talked about worth, self worth, self-belief and it was something that I didn't have. I had all this crime behind me, in terms of all the things that I had done, all the people that I had hurt, the alcohol and the drugs that I would take to forget, or ease the pain of my actions because my conscience was always there. I always had this conscience. I just chose to ignore it, but by fair means or foul, when I came out of prison I really looked to re-evaluate my own life. My marriage was very much destroyed by that stage. It was only really words to my wife to say that I had changed, I'd caused her too much pain. Part of my rehabilitation was to leave the family home because my wife could no longer trust me. Too many times before, I had said that I was a New Man.

I didn't stand in the middle of the street to praise the Lord, but what I did feel is that someone, something, had helped me and it was through the priest. Then I went back to the Church because when I looked at the Cross it just gave me comfort and it has always given me self-belief and it still does to this day.

I think everyone deserves chances in life, and I've had many chances and thankfully, I have taken one of these and I do feel as if I can contribute. I feel as if I can walk down the street and hold my head up high. I feel that I have paid the penalties for the crimes I have committed.

I have looked, and have read through the Edges publication which tells many tales about different plights that individuals have, it also shows a positive angle. I was very impressed with the fact that there are many people who are under all kinds of various pressures and react in all kinds of different ways. We all need a voice, we need something. I had to wait until I saw a priest in prison. A publication like Edges could have brought me closer to the truth of my self belief a lot earlier.