One group that springs to mind is that of the single parent either Father or Mother. Somehow it seems to be the single Father who comes up against the most difficulties. Whether they are single by choice, divorce, break down of a partnership or by bereavement. The Father looking after his children who has to give up his work often finds himself with financial problems. From being the wage earner he is now dependent on benefits and living a much different lifestyle. This in itself can cause emotional upset and lowering of self- esteem. The struggle to cope not only with his own emotions but those of the children can lead to depression and even mental break down. All the above can also be applied to the single Mother. Many problems however seem to arise when the Father leaves the family home or the relationship has ended. Then comes the big question of" CONTACT" with the child/children. Even in an amicable break the children can become pawns in an emotional chess game. Where the break is less than friendly and the relationship between the two ex partners is strained, it is often the Father who is the loser. More often than not the courts leave the children with the Mother and it is her goodwill which allows the relationship to grow. However in some situations the children and the father are losers as the mother plays out her hurt and resentment at the break up by denying contact between them. Because of emotional pressure placed on the children by this pattern of behaviour the father begins to feel that it would perhaps be better for him to withdraw from what can become a battle- ground. This can lead to a deep underlying hurt that can often sour any new relationships. The solution is very hard to find. Perhaps more thought should be given before entering into marriage or relationship and maybe realising that children are human beings and not belongings. Also that both maternal and paternal emotions are involved and need lots of understanding from both partners. It almost seems that in the case of bereavement whichever partner is left can come to terms to being single more easily. Despite the sorrow and feeling of hopelessness |
