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My
greatest cause of frustration is other people’s attitudes to my daughter.
By this I mean members of her family. These attitudes I feel are brought about
by a lack of knowledge of the whole situation. I truly believe you only learn
this knowledge by being ‘on the coal face’, by spending time with the
person, which enables you to truly appreciate their needs. She is not welcome at her father’s house (whom I divorced years ago) – "just in case". "Just in case of what?" I ask. If he had spent more time with her through invitation to his house, he would know that her health only deteriorates if she is left isolated, she needs to be part of a family and to feel wanted. This attitude could be partly due to the influence of his wife and the fear of what effect my daughter might have on their two children. However I would question how that judgement can be made. My daughter recognises that she has relationship problems with her father but because she has had mental health problems these issues are not addressed. Before the onset of my daughter’s illness I had an amicable relationship with her father, now we don’t even communicate. Similarly her stepfather and one of her brothers hold their own prejudiced views, through ignorance. My husband goes out when my daughter visits because he thinks the problems are all part of "a game she is playing". These actions are based on problems in my husband’s childhood, regarding his attitudes to women. My son’s prejudice is purely because he is too young to understand his father’s influence. These attitudes have an impact on my daughter and myself and make our lives more difficult. I have an understanding of why these attitudes are held. With more involvement, recognition of their own problems and a positive attitude, relatives can make the life of a carer and the person they care for a more positive experience. |
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