 I started using drugs in a gang. I was always the odd one out. I was always shy. I made a lot of friends with I was out there using drugs and I thought ‘yes that’s the way to go about making friends’, using drugs. I started about 9 years old sniffing glue then solvents and then smoking weed when I was 10 years old. Eventually I hit heroin when I was about 12 years old. But I started doing the sniffing when I was 8 years old and my granddad died, I couldn’t handle it. I was always the odd one out – getting bullied at school. The others were always going to parties and I was always the one left out. I didn’t have many friends at school so I didn’t go. I was just on my own, me and my dog. It really bothered me but I made friends when I was using drugs. The drugs gave me confidence so that I could talk to people, they made me feel like I was a part of something. I didn’t feel happy to tell you the truth. The drugs made me feel alive and I liked that feeling, so I carried on with them to keep that feeling, I felt happy. I started with heroin at 12 years old then experimented with others, but heroin was my drug of choice. At first I felt sick but then I liked the buzz. It was just once a week but as I got addicted I was out there robbing to get money for more. That got me into the rave scene and all the drugs - cocaine at 14 years of age. I didn’t go to school at all because I was too busy with the drugs. But the progression went on because the more I took, the more I loved it. I thought that was the life and eventually I had a big addiction. I’d taken methadone, class A, B, and C drugs while sniffing aerosols. I decided I had had enough when my doctor decided to take me off the streets and put me in a rehab. I’d expected a big jail sentence so I thought I’d go for it. But I was lying to myself, it was just to get out of the area. I thought I could stay clean by getting away. So I moved from Middlesborough to Blackpool and I thought I could get away. I came out of the rehab and stayed clean for a few months, but always I had the idea that I could drink and take prescription medication. As soon as I had the first drink the addiction was on me, 3 or 4 pints later I was taking heroin in the toilets. After that it was crack cocaine and whatever medication, pain killers, aerosols I had. If I didn’t have drugs in my system I had drink and vice versa. It came to the point when I was out using with a friend and a friend had died. I had some serious psychosis and that was when I decided to give up for the second time. I had been through a relapse and I knew I couldn’t carry on otherwise I would be dead by the New Year. I did a dettox and I came into T.H.O.M.A.S. in January. I needed that relapse to make me realise that there are other drugs out there that you can just as easily get addicted to. I know now that I can’t take any form of narcotic or other mind altering drugs. I’ve got that in my head and it seems to be working for me now. I feel a lot better and for once I feel that I’ve got a life out there. I can walk out with my head high, I can get into conversation without taking drugs. I can go out and enjoy myself. |
