EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 44

May 2006



I was in Lancaster Prison and I was approached there by a lady. I explained to her that I was on drugs and she offered me a place at T.H.O.M.A.S. I was sick of going to prison, of upsetting my family and of stealing. I was sick of having to use every day just to feel normal or what I then thought was normal. I have been in prison seven times through taking drugs

I first went to prison when I was 23 years old. It started with heavy drinking and it was a progression from going to parties and taking amphetamines and ecstasy and then taking other drugs to ‘come down’. I got started on heroin not realising at the time that I could get hooked on it. It was just a recreational drug.

After a few weeks I started taking it more regularly and I became hooked on it and that’s when all the trouble came in with it. My worst moments were when I had to throw needles into my arm and steal from my family. But everyday living was bad, there was nothing good about it.

Getting up in the morning knowing that a rattle was coming on, having to go out knowing that you had to get a drug inside you and to get the money, no matter who you hurt to get it, all these were my worst moments. That is something that I am not proud of today, at the time it didn’t bother me because I was using.

Prison did nothing for me. Except to introduce me to someone who was connected to a rehab and get me into T.H.O.M.A.S. when I was in prison I did nothing to address my drug addiction, it was only when I started working with the CARAT team that I got in touch with a rehab. That is the only thing that prison did for me, and I am grateful to the CARAT team for that; for pointing me in the right direction. I had been offered help in prison but I thought it seemed too intense and I didn’t think that I could do it

Then I was introduced to this programme at T.H.O.M.A.S. and when it was explained to me I thought it seemed less intense and a better message for me personally. I think I was right in thinking that because I have come through it.

Since coming to T.H.O.M.A.S. I have discovered that I am an addict, that I have the disease of addiction, I didn’t think of it that way before. I was powerless my life was unmanageable. Today I am a spiritual person, through my addiction I wasn’t; I didn’t even know what spirituality meant. I now try to help people, I know that there is hope for me. I have been introduced to NA, I know lads who are clean. I intend to stick around T.H.O.M.A.S. and get involved with voluntary work. I have been introduced to lots of different things through T.H.O.M.A.S. and NA. Things that I have never heard of before.

I know now that I want these things, and I need these things, they are working for me now because I am putting the effort in. Today I feel good, I care about myself and about the people around me. In the past I haven’t been able to look at myself because of the person I was. Today I can look at myself and think that I am staying off drugs; I am doing the right thing and I am helping others. That means a lot to me, because I can also look out for others who are going through the same things that I did.

For the future, I want to carry on doing the twelve steps, I want to do some voluntary work, keep my life manageable, pay me bill. In two or three years down the line I would like to go to college. I want to move on, get a job.


left arrowback button {short description of image} {short description of image}right arrow


This Document maintained courtesy of BS Web Services
. Material Copyright © 1997-2006 THOMAS (Those on the Margins of a Society)
Registered Charity Number 1089078