When we talk of a broken relationship, it invariably conjures up a picture of the breakdown of a marriage or a love affair, with all the disruptions and heartache this brings to family life. Whatever the reasons for the breakdown and they can be many and various, one of the most common factors seems to be the question of trust or the loss of trust between the parties. Trust is a fragile element in any relationship whether it be an emotional, or social or business relationship and it can so easily be destroyed. If a relationship or partnership is not based on trust, can it survive? If trust is broken can it be revived and the relationship rebuilt? Can the wounds be healed? It might, given time, respect, love, patience and above all a desire to rebuild, but will the wounds and the hurt be completely healed? If the person that we love and trust more than any other acts in a way contrary to that which we expect can we believe that they did so with our best interests at heart, or do we feel let down and no longer trust that person? There are so many questions and only the people involved can find the answers. Of course a third person, acting as mediator can help, but it needs the total commitment of the partners involved. Only by hard work and effort can the gap be bridged. Sometimes there may never be a full healing process and those involved might decide to end it. How much harder then must it be to heal the rifts in the community where relationships are torn apart by ethnic, cultural and religious differences? I feel that the same must be true in this situation as in the other, but on a grander scale. In order for a community to survive there must be trust; we trust the police and the law to protect us; we trust implicitly that our doctors will do their utmost to cure us and we trust (or should be able to trust) the government we elected to power to act with our best interests at heart. Governments may pass laws in an attempt to maintain the fabric of a society that is threatening to break down, but unless all the participants and members of the community work hard at it and all sections of society meet each other halfway what chance is there of success? Recently Gee Walker the mother of 18 years old Anthony Walker of Merseyside who was viciously killed in a racist attack, said that she felt no hatred for the murderers, she just wished that she could understand the hatred behind the killing and that she could in some way help to rid them of that hatred. Professor Sheila Hollins also expressed a similar thought of forgiveness when she said that the suicide of the man who had attacked and paralysed her daughter Abigail Witchall in Surrey was a real tragedy. Commenting on these tremendous acts of forgiveness the Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Rowan Williams in his Christmas address said that ‘everything has been given to us in the Gospels ……the love of one’s neighbour, the supreme form of living energy-once it fills the heart of man it has to overflow and spend itself.’ There are many people like this in the world. They need to shout out with a loud voice and more importantly we need to listen. In societies torn by such conflicts and within an atmosphere of mistrust it is easier for perpetrators of mischief to do their work. They thrive on social unrest and do their utmost to destroy any vestige of a community spirit. In a situation like this it is an uphill task for the peace workers and mediators to gain the people’s confidence; and even harder to rebuild bridges between the divided communities. If people refuse to rebuild a broken relationship, block out forgiveness from their hearts or make no effort to show respect for each other’s differences, beliefs and cultural characteristics; if they concentrate on their differences rather than on the things that can unite them, then no matter what legislation is in place problems will never be solved and each side may see the rules as working against them. As with a family which can be seen as the microcosm of a wider community, a lot of time, understanding, patience, love and genuine respect for each other are needed for the peacemaking process to succeed. |
