EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 44

May 2006

 

What is Grief?
Grief is a deep or intense sorrow at the loss of something or someone. Loss is something that everyone has already or will experience at various stages in our lives. Grief is inclined to be more intense, dependent on how significant the loss is. It could be a sudden or expected loss of a loved one, a job and so on.

It is important to note that everyone grieves differently due to a number of factors, such as the nature of the loss, our unique personalities, our experiences, and the support we have in coping with our loss. Grief is a normal and natural process that each and every one of us need to go through in order to mourn our loss. Allowing ourselves to grieve puts us on the right road to the healing process.

The grieving process takes time and support as well as patience. There are various stages that an individual may go through in their grief, and it is important to allow these stages and accept the feelings that may arise. The main stages are shock, suffering and recovery.

Shock - is often the earliest reaction to loss, which serves as an individual’s emotional protection from experiencing the overwhelming intensity of the loss. The grieving individual may also feel numb or in disbelief concerning the loss. This can last for minutes, hours or even days depending on how traumatic the loss is to the individual.

Suffering - is the lengthy duration of grief, that can also be the most anguishing stage, in which the individual progressively comes to terms with the realness of their loss. It is at this stage the griever will experience a mixture of emotions, thoughts and behaviour. Some of the attributes of suffering can include:

Bargaining – The individual becomes concerned with how things could have been better, how the situation may have been avoided. This can lead to guilt as the individual will also ponder about regretful things said, and things left unsaid.

Sadness – This may turn out to be very deep and can cause such feelings of emptiness or hopelessness. Sadness is possibly the most common feeling experienced by a grieving individual.

Pain – An individual may feel as if their heart is breaking; they may suffer from stomach cramps or anxiety/panic attacks. Some may even feel that due to the loss they cannot go on with life.

Anger – This is a natural response to threats. To a certain degree this is necessary to our survival. Anger may result from feeling abandoned, powerless, or frustrated. That anger may be directed at self, God, the loss, or anyone else that the individual can hold responsible.

Depression – This is an intense sorrow where the individual will experience such feelings of loneliness, isolation, self-pity, and emptiness. Some of the depressive symptoms may consist of loss of appetite, lack of energy, sleep disturbances, confusion and loss of concentration.

Recovery stage is when the individual begins to come to terms with the loss. Only with time will the individual become hopeful again, this does not mean that they are over the loss, but they are better able to handle the loss. There is no time frame in which an individual should or needs to grieve, but it is important for the individual to have support from family, friends or even a bereavement counsellor, in order to help with the healing process.
 

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