Art Has Been My Salvation
Anthony is a member of the THOMAS Community in Salford
I first discovered that I had a talent for art at a very early age; about three to four at primary school in Kersall. The teacher seemed to recognize this; I got top marks and I progressed through primary school. I was hardly in school at secondary stage because of the problems I had at the time. But I continued with the art because it was something I have always had an interest in. I had problems and though I knew I had a gift I never took it seriously enough because of my habit. I thought of it as more of a hobby. I was more interested in drinking and drugs when I left school.
Art has been my salvation because if I didn’t have that talent maybe now I would be in prison. I’ve done loads of reproductions, but not so that people would say it was a master. I was in Glasgow doing paintings in parks, near Kelvin Bridge. I like the Pre-Raphaelites and I’ve always preferred fine art. I discovered that I wanted to be a surrealist – I’ve read bits and pieces about artists but I wanted to be more raw, to create my own individual style and have more visible experience. I never went to university or college, but I won the Manchester Academy of Fine Arts top award in 2006/7.
I first started using alcohol at about thirteen or fourteen. At that time I was rushed to hospital for a stomach pump. After that it was a slow progression into addiction. I wanted more and more and when I had money I started buying glue and gas. It spiralled out of control. In 1990 I ended up in prison. I used to do street art now and then for money but most of the time I was too intoxicated to do it. I didn’t go out to buy heroin, it was always alcohol with me but I would take anything at a party when I was out of my face.
My worst experience was when I was in Scotland and I nearly died. I was selling some of my prints cheaply because I had no money and someone offered me a good deal; vodka for prints so I took the vodka and I drank that. I remember being in the ambulance and I had swallowed my teeth.
The next day I was told that I was choking and vomiting and they had struggled to keep me alive. I have blacked-out, nearly burnt my house down and loads of other things.
When I had my son who is nine now, I struggled for a few years keeping my head above water but I had had enough. I went into Smithfield for detox and it was there that I heard about THOMAS. A project worker from THOMAS came one day and asked me to come to the THOMAS House in Salford. I was all over the place at the moment, coming and going unable to make a decision. When I came out of Smithfield I decided to come into THOMAS House. Since then I have come on leaps and bounds. I am concentrating on my recovery and myself. I realise that I have this gift for art and I am going to go for it – have an exhibition. I have never done that before so that’s positive.
I will take the future one step at a time. At the moment I am still in recovery. If I do things that I feel are right and I know they’re right I can manage to maintain that. I don’t know yet but I am enjoying doing something I love and that’s half the battle. I’ve always been the type to believe if you enjoy your job it’s good.
I have a good idea why I am an addict. I think it’s genetic; something you are born with, because the first time I had a drink I wanted it. It wasn’t because I had a bad upbringing, peer pressure, poor education, it was just the simple fact that I actually enjoyed it and the chaos but I don’t know why.
I first went to prison, Strangeways the year before the riots in 1989 but that was remand for four weeks. I have been in prison three times all alcohol-related. I have managed to maintain a nineteen years relationship with my first girl friend and we are still together. She is in a 12 Step rehab so we are going through it together.
When this finishes we will settle down, reflect on our mistakes, because I am not getting any younger and the time is flying by so quickly that I can’t recall half of it. I am forty-two years old with nothing to show for it. The same with my partner, we can’t understand it. We have conversations about it all the time. She went to university for six years doing marketing, I have talent and we both drink.
I have just started on the First of the 12 Steps. It’s about powerlessness and surrendering to the power of addiction which overwhelms. I did relapse just a little but I don’t know my own personality. Hard to explain, don’t know if I’m meant to be happy or sad. It’s going to be a long road to recovery but at ASPIRE the 12 Steps were explained and it became so clear and I am starting to understand it. My mind has been so saturated over the years and it was hard to grasp at first. The longer recovery will help to mend my mind, but I’ve only been off alcohol and drugs for eight weeks so it’s early.
THOMAS House is special because I am speaking to people who know about it. And I’m getting more out of it than I would talking to doctors who don’t know, but other addicts do and I am learning from them and their experiences. It comes from the heart. You can’t get more positive than that and that’s good.