A collection of famous, and not so famous, beer quotes...
I feel sorry for blokes 'oo don't drink. Wen they wake up in the mornin', that's as right good as they're gonna feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
The problem wiv some blokes is that wen they ain't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced ter be drunk to spend time wiv 'is fools. --Ernest 'emingway
Always do sober wot yer said yer'd do drunk. That will teach yer ter keep yor North and South shut. --Ernest 'emingway
Kriek don't cop us pished. --Vera Green (communicator of total bollocks)
Yor not drunk if yer can lie on the bleedin' floor wivout holdin' on. --Dean Martin
Fancy a shag? --Shallow
Yor baaahng ahhht oav owdah --Gill
Drunk is feelin' sophisticated wen yer can't say it. --Anonymous
Time is never wereted wen yor wereted all the chuffin' time. --Cafferine Zandonella
Where's the toilet? -- J. Arffur
Abstainer: a weak geezer 'oo yields ter the temptation of denyin' 'imself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due ter lack of alcohol. --Anonymous
Espece de salaud, right, je vais te casser la gueule! (yer bastard, I'll smash yor Nanny Goat Race in! Honest guv!) --J. Arffur (wilst a pissed up Belgian tries ter remove the door to the bloody bog J. Arffur is crappin' in)
Allez, bouge ton cul, vielle bique! Honest guv! (Come on, move yor arse, old git! Oi!) --Pissed up Belgian ter J. Arffur havin' a dump
Drinkin' provides a beautiful excuse ter pursue the chuffin' one activity that truely gives me pleasure, hookin' up wiv fat hairy girls. --Ross Levy
A bint drove me to drink and I didn't even 'ave the decency ter thank 'er. --Tim "The Organ"
Wot contemptible scoundrel 'as nicked the bloody cork ter my lunch? --W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the bloomin' beer 'older. --Anonymous
Doooo do doo doooo --Andy
Wen I read about the evils of drinkin', right, I gave up readin'. --Henny Yungman
Life is a werete of
time, right, time is a werete of life, right, so get wasted all of the time and 'ave
the bleedin' time of yor life.
--Anonymous
I luv yer... --Tim "The Organ" (in conversation wiv scaffoldin')
24 'ours in a day, 24 beers in a case, do wot guvnor! Coincidence? --Stephen Wright
mmmnn mnn bzzz bzzz mnmnm bzzz --Stephen Hawkins
Wen we drink, we get drunk. Wen we cop drunk, right, we fall asleep. Wen we fall asleep, right, we commit no sin. Wen we commit no sin, we go ter heaven Sooooo, let's all cop drunk, right, and go to heaven... --Brian O'Rourke
Yer can't be a real country unless yer 'ave a beer and an airline -it 'elps if yer 'ave some sort of a footie team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the right least yer need a beer. --Frank Zappa
Are yer sure yer don't fancy a shag? --Shallow
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol 'as taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
I'm twenty-five --Tim "The bloody Organ"
He were a wise man 'oo invented beer. --Plato
Beer is proof that God luvs us and wants us ter be 'appy. --Benjamin Franklin
'Ave a look at the size of the biff on that! Honest guv! --Chris the punk
If yer ever reach total enlightenment wile drinkin' beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out yor nose. --Deep Fought, Jack 'andy
And there's this wee nozzle that screws onto ter the bloody gas jets in the bleedin' water boiler. --Yung Bryan
Wivout question, ffe greatest invention in the bloody history of mankind is beer. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Oh, I grant yer that the weel were also a fine invention, right, but the weel does not go nearly as well wiv pizza. --Dave Barry
That's a big clitoris yer've got there - oh fuck... --The bleedin' Big Man
The problem wiv the world is that evry geezer is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Why is a septic tank beer served cold, then, eh, luv? So yer can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
Give us a lass 'oo luvs beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill evry geezer in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Wivout chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way ter make water, right, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
I drink ter make uvver blokes interestin'. --George Jean Nathan
Arright, right, Michael Caine, right, I don't like yer and yer don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll cop back ter killin' yer wiv beer. --Homer Simpson
Bastard, right, fuckin' a septic tank toilets - why can't a man just go for a dump in piece, isit?--J. Arffur (in Cheers Bar, Boston)
Why not have a look at the other dialects
!!Jive talkin'!!
!!Elmer Fudd!!