hypa PROBLEMS
Problems, problems, problems. Everyone has them - even YOU. If you think you haven't got any then you are only repressing them. That will eventually lead to you committing messy suicide unless you take action now. We suggest that you look for help in the items below or send your problem to us using the form at the bottom of the page. We guarantee a prompt and tender reply.
Guide to Forming Relationships
Dear hypa, I just don't seem to have any luck forming close relationships. Is it possible that you might have a few helpful hints about what to look for in a relationship?
By coincidence, hypa happens to have just such a list. This will no doubt be of great help to you.
Money. This should never be a consideration. However, in the event of a tie-break situation it is a either case of "take the richest" or ask them both to complete the following sentence in 15 words or less: "You are so brilliant because.....". You can then decide whether you want to go for money or literary talent.
Looks. This should never be a consideration. However, in the event of a tie-break situation......
Personality. It is important to chose your correct "soul mate". One way to tell if a person is your soul mate is to kick them very hard in some place where it will hurt a lot. If they get very angry with you then they are probably not your soul mate. If they smile sweetly and say that was the best kick in the ass they ever had then you might have found your soul mate. Or you might have found a very sick individual indeed.
Cooking ability. In the event that you cannot cook even toast to save your life, it is sometimes a good idea to date a chef. The second best option is to date someone who is immune to food poisoning thus making it harder for you to accidentally kill them with any of your cooking.
Sense of humour. It is best to pick the person most likely to laugh at your jokes, however bad they are, whilst simultaneously not caring if you don't laugh at their own jokes. This way you will not know whether your jokes are really funny or whether you are just being humoured. However, if you can learn to live with this uncertainty at least you can feel good that you did get a laugh.
Star sign. Always pay close attention to ensure that your star signs are compatible. If the stars suggest that you are not compatible then make sure you have a pre-nuptial agreement guaranteeing you have half of everything in the event of a divorce.
Haircut. A much under-rated part of relationships. If you are going to be constantly pestering your boy/girlfriend to change their haircut to something more fashionable this will likely cause them to get very annoyed at the implication that they currently look a total idiot. Choose a partner who has a haircut you can live with.
Personal hygiene. There is a 100% chance that you will never find perfection in this area. Your best bet is to pick a person who never does anything you wouldn't do yourself. This might mean having to put up with lots of disgusting habits but at least you'll know that arguments about it will always end in a dead-heat, thus being totally pointless.
Date of birth. It is best to chose a partner who's birthday is on December 25th. This will allow much money to be saved in the gift department.
If you have a problem, we can solve it
As a caring organisation, hypa like to help you with the problems in your life. Remember, a burden is always lighter if you get somebody else to carry it for you. Type your problem in the box below and click 'Send Form'.