THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT
the transcribed script
SCENE 1
Heather Donahue Kesey's room. She is already behind the camera and her friends are with her. Mike is lying on a bed and Josh is sprawled over an exercise bike.
Heather : Ok, ok, guys, hey, man, we're running, man. This is pure fuckin'...
Josh : Pure fuckin', man.
Heather : We're gonna, yeah, man, we're gonna go into the woods.
HEATHER SPINS THE CAMERA AROUND
Heather : This is our home.
Mike : Yeah!
HEATHER POINTS TOWARDS MIKE
Heather : This is, err, Josh...
Mike : Hey!
Heather : Or is it Mike? Which one are you?
Mike : I'm Mike.
Heather : Hey, Mike, how's it goin', man?
THEY SHAKE HANDS
Mike : How you doin'?
Heather : Hey, not bad...
Josh : Westside, man.
THE CAMERA TURNS TO JOSH
Heather : Hey...hey, not bad, man... Hey, Mike, how's it....
JOSH BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER
Heather : No, you're Josh! Fuck you, man! Fuck you! How am I...
Josh : Fuck you!
Heather : How am I supposed to remember all of these things?
Josh : Fuck you!
Heather : How am I supposed to remember all of these things?
TURNS TO MIKE
Mike : Are we not supposed to be like friends or something?
Heather : Hey, dude, hey, I just picked you out of a phone book.
Mike : Oh, right.
TURNS BACK TO JOSH
Heather : Hey, uhh...
Josh : Fuck you, man!
Heather : Josh!
THEY SHAKE HANDS
Heather : Fuck you.
Josh : Fuck you.
Heather : How's it goin'?
TURNS THE CAMERA ON HERSELF
Heather : And my name is Heather...and I'm a fuckin' weeeirdo! Yay!
Josh : You're a Heather...
Heather : Yeah, I'm a Heather...I'm a Veronica.
Mike : Has anybody got any weed?
[CUT]
SCENE 1A
Heather Donahue Kesey's bedroom again, same as before. Mike is still on the bed, Josh is still on the exercise bike, but now Steve has come in and is standing beside Heather.
Heather : Ok, now we've got, uhm, err, Steven.
TURNS TO STEVE
Heather : This is gonna be our, uhh, other sound guy.
TURNS TO JOSH
Heather : Fuck you!
JOSH GIVES HEATHER THE FINGER AND PULLS VARIOUS STRANGE FACES
Josh : Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Heather : Fuck you, Josh...Mike, whoever the fuck you are.
Mike : Hey, just fucking stop it, guys! Stop fighting, man.
TURNS TO MIKE
Heather : Fuck it, Mike! Hey, we're not even in the fucking woods yet.
TURNS TO JOSH
Heather : So, just fucking get some fucking supplies.
THERE'S COMMOTION AMONGST THE GANG
Steve : You get the fuckin' supplies?! I get the fuckin' supplies?!
Heather : Steve...Steve!
Steve : You get the fuckin' supplies...
Heather : Steve, you just fucking arrived, man!
STEVE LAUGHS
[CUT]
SCENE 1B
There is a shot of the floor of Heather's room
Heather : Shitzers.
[CUT]
SCENE 1C
Heather's room yet again. Everyone in the same positions as before.
Heather : We got some essential reading...
POINTS TO A COPY OF "SCOTTISH GHOSTS"
Heather : ...to take into the woooods with us. This is called "Scottish Ghosts" ... even though we're going into fucking Blair place...whatever. Fuck it.
Mike : Hey, you know what we need?
CAMERA TURNS TO MIKE ON THE BED
Heather : What do we need, Mike?
Mike : Fuckin' essential porn, man.
Heather : Well, fuck you, Mike. Hey, you got all the pussy you need right here, baby.
Mike : Oh yeah!
JOSH RUNS OVER
Josh : Fuck you!
[CUT]
SCENE 1D
Shot of a pile of supplies lying in the corner of Heather's room. This time everyone is standing, looking at the supplies, but they're all behind the camera.
Heather : Awww, there we go, there's our fucking supplies!
THEY ALL RUN IN TO GRAB STUFF FROM THE PILE OF SUPPLIES
Mike : Supplies, yeah!
Heather : We got, we got, like a torch.
Josh : A torch!
JOSH SHOWS TORCH TO THE CAMERA
Heather : We'll be needing that.
MIKE HOLDS UP SOME TRAINERS
Mike : Spare shoes...Nike, man!
Heather : Nike!
JOSH HOLDS UP A LITTLE PURPLE PIECE OF PLASTIC
Josh : A little spinny thing.
Heather : Yeah.
Steve : Batman.
STEVE HOLDS UP A BIG PLASTIC BATMAN
Heather : Yeah, we got a Batman to protect us in the wind...
MIKE HOLDS UP A JACKET
Mike : And some jackets...
STEVE PLACES A SUPERMAN CAP ON HIS HEAD
Steve : And a Superman hat...
Heather : Yeah...
Steve : Oh, yeah!
Heather : We're gonna be needing these things, right...We're gonna go and, right, guys, we gotta go talk to the locals.
JOSH HOLDS UP "TOP DOG" THE VIDEO.
Josh : And "Top Dog".
THERE'S A LONG PAUSE
Heather : Yeah, definitely...Chuck Norris...motherfucking!
TURNS TO MIKE
Mike : Oh, yeah!
Heather : We gotta go and, like, talk to the locals, man. To see if they're goin'...wh...what...what the shit's goin' down.
Mike : We better go down...dick!
Josh : Let's go...fuck!
Heather : We have to get 'em...
THEY HEAD OFF OUT OF THE ROOM
[CUT]