THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT
the transcribed script
SCENE 2
In a house in Fitzyville, Condorrat. The gang have tracked down a local, called Local Stevenson, whom they have trapped on a stairway to ask questions to. Heather is still behind the camera...to her left is Josh and to her right are Mike and Steve respectively.
LOCAL STEVENSON SCREAMS
Heather : Ok, ok, ok...here we are...
Local : Tell him to get that light out of my fucking face...
Heather : Fuck you, man! Fuck you!
Local : Fuck you! Fuck you!
[CUT]
SCENE 2A
Same scenario and positions as before, only things have quietened down.
Heather : When...
Local : [unintelligible]...oh, right...
Heather : When did you first hear of the Blair Witch?
Local : Blair Witch?!
Heather : Fitzy Witch! Fitzy Witch! Fitzy Witch!
THEY ALL LAUGH
Local : Fitzy Witch? Err...I've never heard of him, I'm sorry.
CAMERA TURNS TO JOSH
Heather : Well, fuck you!
Josh : Fuck you! Fuck fuck fuck!
[CUT]
SCENE 2B
Same scenario as before, again, the only difference being it's quieter.
Heather : What?
Local : Yeah...
Heather : Could you, could you...uhm, agree to be on video, you bitch?
Local : Suh...? What? I don't care...
Heather : You gotta answer yes or no, sir, you bitch.
A LIGHT SHINES ON LOCAL'S FACE
Local : Please?
HE COWERS FROM THE LIGHT
Heather : Ok, uhm...when did you first hear of the Fitzy Witch?
Local : Ehhhm...
Josh : You'd better...
Local : Last Tuesday...at about 5:54 PM.
Heather : Yeah? And what did you hear? Did it get you? Did it uhh...
Local : Naw, someone just mentioned it...
Heather : ...cut your penis?
Local : ...on the TV.
Heather : Did it take you to tea time?
LOCAL LAUGHS
Josh : It's time for tea!
CAMERA TURNS TO MIKE
Mike (singing) : Tea time!
TURNS BACK TO LOCAL
Heather : Ok, man, this is serious, ok, so, come on... We really need this for our, like our course.
Local : Yeah?
TV in the background : Temptation!
Heather : We need a pass, man...if we don't pass...we're flunking geography, man.
Local : Geography?!
Heather : We're flunking it, man!
THERE'S COMMOTION
Heather : The fucking course!
Josh : Fuck!
Mike : I fucking neeeed...
Josh : I need to fucking pass this course, man!
MIKE ATTACKS LOCAL
Mike : Will you just answer the questions?!
HE TURNS TO THE CAMERA
Mike : Come on! Get this fucker!
[CUT]
SCENE 2C
Local is on the stairs being beaten up by Josh and his trusty torch.
Heather : ...answer the fucking questions!!!
[CUT]
SCENE 2D
Same scenario as before, Local sitting on the stairs, looking as if he's dying, while the others are talking like nothing has happened.
Heather : The village person answered our questions nicely. Very kind of him. Thank you very much, village person. We'll be seeing you later...bitch.
Josh : Fuck off!
Local : Yeah? Any more qu...
[CUT]