THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT
the transcribed script
SCENE 3
A small room in a house in Condorrat. The crew have captured yet another local, this time, a particularly hairy one called Jim. They trap him in a corner and shine lights on him as they start to ask him questions. They are all behind the camera except Jim.
Heather : Ok, uhm...hi.
Jim : Hi.
Heather : Uhm...What's your name, sir?
Jim : I'm...Jim.
Heather : Jim...
Josh : Mrs. Red-eyes.
Heather : Hold on, I've given you too much headroom...
Jim : Ok...
THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN A TINY BIT
Heather : Right...uhm, when did you first hear of the Fitzy Witch?
Jim : Well...it was a couple of years ago, and my gran said something about it...and I was like, "The Fitzy Witch?! What?"
THE CAMERA SPINS ROUND TO FACE THE CREW
Heather : Man, this bitch is fuckin' boring the ass off me, man.
THERE'S A LOT OF COMMOTION
Josh : My ass has been bored off.
Mike : Could you just cut to the chase?
Heather : Anybody got some weeeeed?
MORE COMMOTION, THEN THE CAMERA GOES BACK TO JIM
Jim : Well, it's about this guy Fitzy...and, like, he just went mad and started killing everyone, with his, like...singing "The Love Boat"...I mean, I don't know what that was all about.
Mike (singing) : The Love Boat!
THE CAMERA TURNS AROUND TO LOOK AT THE CREW
Heather : Fucking hell, man...I'm shitting...
Mike : Sounds like a sicko! The fucking Love Boat?!
A LOT OF FEAR AND COMMOTION AND THEN THE CAMERA TURNS TO JOSH WHO IS STANDING ON A CHAIR
Josh : I just done a load in my pants.
MORE COMMOTION, THEN THE CAMERA GOES BACK TO JIM
Jim : But anyway, I was scared...and my gran always used to say, like, tell us when we were small : "Watch out."
Steve : You're full of shit, bitch.
Jim : Shut it, bitch.
THE CAMERA TURNS TO STEVE
Steve : I ain't no bitch, you're a ho...you're full of shit, bitch.
Heather : Steve, Steve, Mike, Steve, Mike, chill...take a chill pill. Take a chill pill! Take a chill pill.
Mike : Chill out, man!
Local (FROM ANOTHER ROOM) : Hey, mister!
Heather (YELLING) : What the fuck do you wa...
[CUT]
SCENE 3A
Jim is sitting being questioned by the crew, who are becoming impatient with his completely unbelievable answers...
Heather : Umm...Jim...
Jim : Yes.
SOMEONE THROWS A CHEESY POOF AT HIM.
Heather : Thank you...for your co-operation. Good night.
THEY ALL LAUGH, AND WALK OUT.
[CUT]