THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT THE FITZY WITCH PROJECT
the transcribed script
SCENE 7
A small bedroom with many posters on the wall. Josh and Heather are already in the room. Mike walks in, smiling, holding his 16 mm followed by a bemused Steve.
Heather (YELLING) : I hope you're fucking kidding!
JOSH RUNS AT MIKE AND JUMPS AT HIM
Josh : Fuck you!
Mike : Hey!
THERE IS A LARGE COMMOTION AS THEY STRUGGLE AND FIGHT
Heather : You kicked the fucking map into the water!
JOSH DRAGS MIKE OVER TO BESIDE THE BED AND BEATS HIM WITH HIS TORCH
Mike : That map was useless!
THE CAMERA CLOSES UP INTO MIKE'S FACE
Heather : You kicked it into the fucking refridgerator, asshole? I hope you're fucking kidding.
Josh : Fuck you!
MIKE SEEMS BEMUSED BY THE SITUATION AND SITS HIMSELF DOWN ON THE BED CASUALLY.
Mike : You didn't even know where we were going, Heather.
HEATHER (SCREAMING AND COLLAPSING SLOWLY TO THE FLOOR) : I knew where we were going-ah!!
Mike (OVER HEATHER'S SCREAMING) : You had us walking for two hours yesterday.
HEATHER LAUGHS NERVOUSLY AND STANDS UP
Heather : Look...
Mike : Fucking 'round the kitchen in circles...
JOSH LAUGHS NERVOUSLY FROM THE SIDES
Mike : For fuck's sake, Heather!
Josh : Fuck you!
JOSH WALKS TOWARDS MIKE THREATENINGLY AND MIKE HOLDS HIS 16MM AS DEFENCE, BUT JOSH HOLDS BACK HIS ANGER.
Mike : Get it together! Ho!
Heather : Mike, Mike, Mike...
THE CAMERA SPINS AROUND TO FACE EACH MEMBER AS THEIR NAME IS CALLED
Heather : You have betrayed us, you have betrayed Josh, you have betrayed Steve, you have betrayed ME, Mike. I took you on this trip out of my way...
Josh : Sucked your dick.
Heather : I sucked your dick, I gave you bodgers. And you never...you gave me shit, Mike! You gave us this crap.
Mike : Hey, I gave you sound and film, man!
Heather (SCREECHING) : You took fuck all film!
[CUT]
SCENE 7A
Later on that evening, the crew have calmed down and are standing in the middle of the room, ready to set up camp for the night. Mike, however is sitting on the right, rumaging through his bag. To his left is Josh, pulling up his trousers, and to his right, just out of shot, is Steve. Heather stands near the door, filming them.
Heather : Ok, we've all calmed down now...and...
Josh : Fuck you!!
HE MIMICKS HITTING MIKE WITH HIS TORCH
Heather : Look, just fucking chill, man...chill. We'll get headed tomorrow, we'll just get out of these fucking....fucking house, ok? Umm...we're just gonna set up camp here...
HEATHER POINTS AT THE SPOT THEY'RE GOING TO SET UP CAMP ON THE GROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM
Heather : ...In the room, so that we can uhh, you know, just like sleep and shit...ok? We're just gonna chill...just get some time of our own in our tents...just like sleep and shit, ok?
TURNS THE CAMERA TO MIKE WHO IS STILL LOOKING IN HIS BAG
Heather : So, you ok, Mike?
Mike : Can we fuck?
Heather : Fuck you.
[CUT]
SCENE 7B
It is complete darkness except for a blinding flashlight which comes into view now and again. All that can be heard are gasps and the heavy breathing of the crew as they have been awakened in the middle of the night by strange noises.
Heather (WHISPERING) : Don't fucking do that...don't fucking do that, fucking go, man.
Josh : What the fuck is that?!
Heather : What WAS that?!
THERE ARE SOME STRANGE CREAKING NOISES IN THE BACKGROUND
Josh : Oh, shit!
Heather : What WAS that?!
Mike : Oh, fuck!
Heather (YELLING) : Fuck!
THE CREW STAND UP AND BEGIN TO RUN TOWARDS THE DOOR, YELLING AND SCREAMING BUT CAN'T FIND IT, SO HANG AROUND IN THE ROOM FOR A BIT LONGER.
Heather : Fuuuuck!! Fuuuuck! Fuuuuuck! Fuuuuuck!
Mike : Turn off the light!
Heather : Turn it off! Turn it off!
JOSH YELPS
Heather : Shh!
THERE IS A LOUD SCREECH AND SOME MUMBLING WHISPERS
Josh : What the fuck was that?!
Mike : Fuck!
Josh : Shh!!!
[CUT]
SCENE 7C
It is daylight, and the crew are standing at the doorway, ready to leave. The camera spins round to look at them all standing behind Heather, looking exhausted and scared. A new member has joined the crew : Jim, the local they had interviewed previously. Music can be heard in the background.
Heather : Ok, we've met up with a local, Jim.
Josh : Fuck you, man.
Heather : Hey, Jim.
Jim : Hi, Jim...
Heather : Fuck you.
Jim : Hi, Jim?!
JIM GIGGLES
Heather : Right, what do you think those noises were last night?
Josh : I think they were...
MIKE WALKS IN FRONT OF HEATHER
Mike : Fucking freaky, man...
Josh : ...fucking dogs, man.
Mike : Scary shit.
Josh : Fuckin'...
Heather : Fucking dogs...
Josh : Dogs.
Heather : Fuck you, asshole.
THEY BEGIN TO WALK ALONG THE UPPER HALLWAY, WITH MIKE IN FRONT, STILL WIELDING HIS 16MM
Heather : Ok, right, we're setting out, we're just gonna get the hell outta here. Fuck it, man. Fuck the documentary.
MIKE WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS IN FRONT
Josh : Fuck this music.
MIKE TURNS AROUND AND FACES HEATHER
Mike : It was your idea, Heather!
THEY ALL BEGIN TO DESCEND THE STAIRS
Heather : Fuck you!
Mike : Hey!
Heather : Ok, we're just gonna...
Mike : If you had known where we were going with that map.
Heather (YELLING) : If you hadn't fucking kicked the map into the river!
THERE ARE VARIOUS YELPS
Josh : Fuck you!
Mike : We didn't need it!
Josh : Fuck you, fuck you.
Jim : Look, just stop shouting all of you, huh? Come on...
Josh : Fuck you.
THEY ALL REACH THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS
Heather : What the fuck was that accent about?
MIKE AND JOSH ENTER THE LIVING ROOM WHERE THE TV IS ON, PLAYING A MUSIC VIDEO.
Mike : It's fucking Steps, man! It gets worse!
JOSH WALKS OVER AND SWITCHES THE TV OFF.
Josh : Fucking shit, man.
[CUT]
SCENE 7C
Mike is sitting in the living room floor rocking backwards and forwards while the others discuss something in the background. Heather is walking around in disbelief.
Heather : Fuck. Fuck. We've been here for fucking four hours, and I can't find the...where is the fucking door? Where is the fucking door?
[CUT]