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With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan!
| A Wandering Immie | The Rules of the Game | Methos' Little List | The Relationship Lament | These Kimmies are Telling Tales, Methinks | The Trouble With Ponytails |
A wand'ring Immie, I, a man of swords and polos and always going solo into
a warehouse fight.
My katana it is long, through every battle showing, my
hair just keeps on growing
Even when the wig's not right, e'en when the
wig's not right.
Are you in tense or pouting mood, I'll sigh with you; oh, sorrow
On
life in general do you brood, I'll do so too; oh, often, often.
I'll fill my
lips and teeth with folk songs from my native heath
While sympathetic tears
my cheeks bedew; oh, sorrow, sorrow.
But if patriotic sentiment is wanted,
in the Highlands I will gladly be your guide.
For where'er my country's
banner may be planted all other foreign banners are defied.
And while I
stride around in tartan, lead weights will hide my undies hour by hour,
And
I seldom get surprised when Kimmies tremble before my mighty power, before my
mighty power.
CHORUS: We shouldn't be surprised if
Kimmies trembled, trembled in alarm
Before his mighty power, before his
mighty power!
And if you call for an intimate time, I've got some ideas in mind;
Nutella,
Marmite and some scarves, hurrah for being bound!
CHORUS: Oh-ho, oh-ho! Hurrah for being bound!
To howl like Tarzan in the trees may tickle an Immies taste,
But the
happiest hour this Immie sees is going down out on the town, with his lady on
his knees, weh-hey!
And his arm around her waist
CHORUS: So wear a loincloth while we
may, while the censors take a break.
Or if we're feeling very brave, a sauna
we'll partake,
Without a towel! Without a towel!
Oh, yes, oh, yes! A
sauna we'll partake!
A wandering Immie, I ....etc.
 |
Our mighty Gregory, virtuous man, when he to write the plot began
To
plan and try a means whereby some Immies would be dead-ied.
So he decreed
the Immie way, which lasted down until today, that all whose name begins with
'K'
Should forthwith be beheaded, beheaded; should forthwith be beheaded.
And
I expect you might agree that he was right to so decree.
And I am right and
you are right and all is right as right can be!
CHORUS: And I am right and you are right and all is right as
right can be! x2
And all is right!
This stern decree you'll understand, caused great dismay throughout the
land,
For young and old and shy and bold were equally affected.
The
Kimmie who resolved to try to kill a woman or a guy, was thereupon condemned to
die,
They usually objected, objected; they usually objected.
And I'll
allow, as you'll expect, that he was right to so object.
And I am right and
you are right and everything is quite correct.
CHORUS: And I am right and you are right
and everything is quite correct. x2
And all is right!
The Raven is the next we hear to fill the gap from year to year
Whose
head was next, on some pretext, condemned to be mown off.
And made her hero,
for they said, who's next to be decapited, cannot cut off another's head
Until
she's cut her own off, her own off; until she's cut her own off.
And they
are right, I think you'll say, to argue in this kind of way
And I am right
and you are right and all is right, tarouralay!
CHORUS: And I am right and you are right
and all is right, tarouralay! x2
And all is right!
|
As someday it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little
list, I've got a little list
Of all the evil Immies who might well be
underground and who never would be missed, who never would be missed.
There's
the pestilential nuisances who never get a job who sneer for hours and should be
told to go and shut their gob.
The ones who look so slimy, like the cousin
of a rat.
All Kimmies, who when drawing swords, will take them out like that,
And Kimmies who on massacres from time to time insist,
They'd none of
them be missed, they'd none of them be missed.
CHORUS You can put 'em on the list, you
can put 'em on the list,
And they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of
them be missed.
There's the poisoners for instance, and the arsonist of course; I don't
think they'd be missed, I'm sure they'd not be missed.
The ones who subvert
justice and then go and kick their horse, They should go and get pissed, they
should go and get pissed.
Then the Kimmie who just praises with enthusiastic
tone, all centuries but this and every country but his own.
And the Fimmie
from the mists of time who dresses like a guy
And who hasn't yet had Duncan,
but would rather like to try,
And that singular anomaly, the Kimmie
novelist,
I don't think he'd be missed, I'm SURE he'd not be missed!
CHORUS You can put 'em on the list, you
can put 'em on the list,
And they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of
them be missed.
|
| SHE: | Here's a how-de-do; if I sleep with you, When your time has come to perish, then the maiden whom you cherish Will be slaughtered too; here's a how-de-do |
| HE: | Here's a pretty mess; to my great distress Despite my charm and obvious breeding Nowhere is where this is leading, Here's a pretty mess, here's a pretty mess! With a passion that's intense I live out on the line, So many women passing through, but not one to call 'mine'. |
| BOTH: | How sad it is, tis true, tis death to sleep with
you.
Here's a pretty state of things, Here's a pretty how-de-do! x2 |
|
| 'Ko-ko' | Th'Immortal cried as he dropped him down in a state of wild alarm With a frightful, fearful, frantic frown I bared my big right arm I seized him by his ponytail and on his knees fell he. As he squirmed and struggled and gurgled and guggled, I drew my snicker-snee, my snicker-snee. Oh, never shall I forget the cry or the shriek that shrieked he As I gnashed my teeth, when from it's sheath, I drew my snicker-snee! |
| CHORUS | We know him well, he cannot tell untrue or groundless tales He always tries to utter lies and every time, he fails. |
| 'Pitty-Sing' | He shivered and shook as there came the sign for the stroke he didn't
deserve When all of a sudden his eyes met mine and I know it braced his nerve For he bared his chest and kissed my lips, then whistled an air did he. As the sabre true cut cleanly through his cervical vertebrae, his vertebrae. When a man's afraid, a beautiful maid is a charming sight to see And I'm very glad that moment sad was soothed by having had me! |
| CHORUS | Her terrible tale you can't assail, with truth it quite agrees Her taste exact for faultless fact amounts to a disease. |
| 'Pooh-Bah' | Now though you'd have said that head was dead, for it's owner dead was he! It stood on it's neck with a smile well-bred and bowed three times to me! It was none of your impudent, off-hand nods, but as humble as can be. For it clearly knew the deference due to a man of pedigree, of pedigree. And it's oh, I vow, that deathly bow was a touching sight to see. Though trunkless yet, it couldn't forget the deference due to me! |
| CHORUS | This haughty youth, he speaks the truth, whenever he finds it pays. And in this case, it all took place exactly as he says. |
|
{This last one below had me creased up just from the original title!}
Braid the raven hair, weave the supple tress,
Deck the Immie fair in his
loveliness,
Check that handsome face, see that pouting lip,
We are all
convinced of his princely-ship
CHORUS Art and nature, thus allied He's a hunk, can't be denied. {x2)
Sit with downcast eye; it may brim with dew.
We promise, if you
cry, we will do so too.
When the Buzz comes, start. You get up and go.
The
fighting has to start, but we will miss you so.
CHORUS Art and nature, thus allied, He's a hunk, can't be denied. {x2}
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| E-mail me at: philippa@dapc.globalnet.co.uk |
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