Goldberg. Piss-up. Brewery. Make a sentence.

The second leg of the Worthington Cup, a competition that no-one takes much interest in, apart from the small teams in the lower division who live off the money a good cup run brings in. Or in Palace's case a medium size club who are desperate to get their hands on any cash going. After a 2-2 draw in the first leg, aided by Nicky Rizzo's last minute equaliser, Palace needed a narrow win or a 1-1 draw at worst. This brought a dilemma. Do I rush from work to get to the ground or do I, thanks to a miracle of marketing who convinced Murdoch's legions to pay money to put cameras at the ground, watch it at homeon Sky. Well its only the first round so I stayed at home.

The difference isn't really that great, especially with the swanky new seats we have in the upper Holmesdale. Instead of people spouting complete bollocks at the ground they are called commentators on Sky. Otherwise everything was the same. Palace got an early goal and then amazingly got another. You had to feel a bit sorry for the 17 year old Colchester keeper who watched a very tame shot roll along the ground, holding his arms wide indicating that the ball would miss the post by at least a foot. It did, but it was the wrong side for him. Second half was Palace threatening to score without actually doing so before a Colchester breakaway saw them pull one back with 15 minutes to go. Panic stations again before a Smith run from the area saw him feed Bradbury who went 30 yards before selflessly off-loading to ball to Rizzo who put in the third.

As a performance it was better than against Swindon although that wasn't too difficult. Bradbury had a very good game despite copping a boot to the face from old boy Sagi Burton. He looks a much better player when running at defences and has picked up an ability to turn defenders. His dribbling still isn't quite up to par but is looking a more complete player than last season. Burton went for a brace as Matt Svensson was carried of after also getting a boot to the face. Some players have a run of luck. Not those called Svensson. A bad ankle injury could be seen as just one of those things. Getting a ruptured spleen a couple of games into a comeback is stretching the bounds of credularity (although it will make a great trivia question). After that it was a re-occurance of the ankle after a nasty tackle and then the concussion from this match. I think his nickname is 'Lucky'.

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Champagne football? More like lemon cordial

SWINDON (21st August 1999)

Played 3, won 1, drawn 1, lost 1. Those has been the results of the first 3 games for the last 4 seasons. Would the pattern be broken this time? No. After a draw while playing poorly on the first day and a stunning away win at Barnsley, Palace played rubbish again and deservedly lost 2-1. After a promising start where Morrison turned on the edge of the area and curled one past the keeper it was the usual situation of falling asleep and allowing the opponents to dictate the game. With the new seats in the upper Holmesdale a much better view of the tactics can be seen and the Palace formation of 5-3-2 was leaving far too much room in midfield. The aggression didn't seem to be there and although Fan, when finally returning from suspension, will add some bite it probably needs Foster there as well (and I never throught I'd see myself write that).

As a contest it was a fair result. As a game it was painful to watch. It is not going to be fun season.

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Keep your mouth shut stupid

CREWE (8th August 1999)

Yet another season begins with the rabid hope that it will surpass the results of the previous year. Supporters of all teams walk to the grounds hoping that this year will be the one where the leaky defence finally tightens, the half-chances are converted and potential finally becomes concrete success. At the end of the first game most supporters have had their hopes firmly blasted to bits.

The off-season was not a quiet time for Palace. All the administration issues gave the press a field day where journalists competed to see how many times they could use the word 'beleagured' in their reports. That the reports were usually at odds with what the administrator actually said gave rise to questions about who to believe. An employee charged with saving the club who works for a large consulting company who cannot afford to gain a bad reputation by having one of their clients forced into liquidation or the British press. Tough call that one.

Finally the fans could forget about the suffering off the field though and for 90 minutes get back to the proper job of football, watching the suffering on the field. The cheers for the players, despite a surprisingly small crowd of 16,000, were loud. The loudest were for the new cult hero Dean Austin (how things change in 6 months), Clinton Morrison, the surprisingly restored from injury Hayden Mullins, and the returning captain and hero Simon Rodger. Palace started brightly but weren't able to really trouble the well organised Crewe defence. Apart from a Crewe shot that went just wide it seemed as if both sides were playing an extended version of a five a side game. During time added on Morrison ran through onto a ball and was tugged back. The referee adjudged a penalty and, since all of last season's penalty takers had left, up stepped Lee Bradbury. The kick was not a good one, chest-high to the left of the keeper who parried it straight out. From a total of five yards out with only a prostrate keeper to beat Bradbury hit the rebound against the bar. All the signs were looking ominous.

In the second half things were much the same and it took until just after the hour when an almighty scramble in the Crewe box saw three Palace players have attempted shots on goal blocked. The ball finally ran free to the edge of the area where Simon Rodger, averaging less than a goal a season, buried it intot he back of the net. He was likewise burried under a mass of Palace players. In typical Palace style they started to look a bit shaky at the back as Crewe were more adventurous in looking for an equaliser. With five minutes to go I turned to the guy next to me and said "I hope this isn't going to be like Bolton" (first game last season where we conceeded a late equaliser). As I said this a header was looped over the defence to a Crewe player who smacked it past Digby.

Overall a draw was probably a fair result as Palace never really got out of first gear. The only change I'll make for next game is to keep my 'kiss of death' mouth shut

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