That little ray of sunlight causes cancer

If I eventually find out that being an atheist was the wrong choice to make then after tonight's match I can at least claim I have already done some of my time in purgatory. Sitting through it was painful enough, having to write about it would merely compound the agony so I'll just go for a set of impressions.

Palace continuing on from where they left off on Saturday .....No cohesion at all .....Looking very sluggish, perhaps the result of too many games in too short a time (I sound like Alex 'Whinger' Ferguson!) .....WBA with three chances in the first three minutes .....The diving ginger tosser up his usual tricks, fortunately the ref not being as stupid as others we've had before .....No bookings given at all .....Svensson's curling free kick which almost gave us an undeserved lead .....Svensson copping an elbow in the face while on the ground, 12,000 people see it but none of the officials do .....great save from Fraser leading to a corner .....The corner leading to a goal, maybe a touch of handball but only after the ball crossed the line .....A long range shot with Fraser watching the off-side diving ginger tosser and not watching the ball rifling into the bottom corner .....Boos at the half time whistle .....Nine year old kids signing for th academy, they'll probably be in the first team next month .....A more active Palace in the second half .....WBA almost scoring again .....A lot of running but not leading to much .....Passes going astray, not winning the 50/50 balls .....reading the match programme because it was much better than watching the match .....watching the crowd stream out .....wondering which pub to go to after the match .....wondering why I bother at times .....waiting for the final whistle .....only the third game where we haven't scored, two of them against WBA .....leaving, the optimism of a mere three weeks ago already gone.

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Ying. Yang.

TRANMERE (23rd October 1999)

Three weeks since the last home match and all sorts of fun stuff. After the Portsmouth match coach Alan Ball claimed he would buy lots more players. Unfortunately for Palace this included Lee Bradbury who, after a difficult start to his career here, was starting to hit some very good form. Naturally enough we had to take whatever was offered and he went for over £1 million less than we paid for him. Thank you Mark Goldberg.

Also off the pitch it was time for that twat from the PFA (professional footballer's association) - a certain Gordon Taylor - to stick his nose in. Even though all debts to British clubs had now been cleared (thanks also to cuts from sell-on clauses for other ex-players) he tried to implement a ban on obtaining loan players because the Palace players hadn't been payed their full wages. Remembering (1) that only the highest earners are having small parts of their salary postponed and (2) the players themselves are claiming they need new staff because they are having to continually perform with an ever-depleted squad and (3) no-one actually asked the players (ie: the people most affected) it can be seen that Mr Taylor is doing a bit of grandstanding. I think the last two letters in PFA stand for the amount of good it does for its members.

On the pitch there was the usual penalty agony in the Midlands. Apparently Birmingham players other than the keeper are allowed to handle on the goal-line in the second minute of the match. Being beaten 2-0 is bad enough but when even the opposition manager admits it was a penalty and red-card situation you have to wonder what the team did in a past life. Then a sterling defensive effort in sunny Blackburn where a late equaliser prevented us from obtaining a very rare away win.

The oldest cliche in football is that it is a game of two halves. After this performance it will have to be rewritten as a game of 80 minutes followed by the rest. The game started with a bit of optimism since Tranmere were one of the few teams below us in the league. The reading of the team sheet then gave a massive shock when the name of Terry Phelan came up. We had someone on loan! A left sided defender with a bit of experience - it felt like wandering into the Twilight Zone. Images of the grinding bore draw of last year disappeared fairly early as both teams looked to do something energetic on a somewhat damp pitch. Palace looked the better side as the mid-field was winning more than their fair share of 50-50 balls with Thomson in particular looking very good. After a penalty appeal was made for a rather blatant Tranmere hand-ball (you can guess what happened) we had to wait a few more minutes until after the half hour for the opening goal. Palace finally got a move on down the right where our freebie Venezuelan De Ornelas (in for the injured Morrison) beat a couple of defenders, cut back inside and laid in a cross to Svennson. He pushed it around another player then lashed it home. Cue celebrations which were increased in injury time when Austin (!) managed to hook a cross in for 2-0.

The second half saw Tranmere push forward a lot more without causing too much trouble. This was due to a very tight defensive setup lead mainly by the midfield. By cutting out a lot of balls before they got to the last third the back four were looking a lot more secure. Then the rain came down. Bucketfuls of it. The pitch started to go from damp to bog and this seemed to sap the player's strength. As the last ten minutes drew near a two goal lead didn't look too secure. It should have been three but for a wonderful save by the Tranmere keeper. The midfield seemed to dissolve in all the water. It may have been the hard game midweek causing tired legs but suddenly the formation went from 4-4-2 to 8-0-2. With freedom to run Tranmere perked up and started playing. With a few corners in a row the pressure was increasing and the sight of Mullins slicing a clearance into the side of the net probably induced a bit of panic. Without a great deal of surprise Tranmere whipped in a cross-field ball and had a free header for 2-1. Two minutes later only a brilliant save from Digby kept the ball out. Until that time he hadn't had a great deal to do except punch a lot of balls, obviously assuming that the rain-slick conditions weren't suitable for catching. Coppell's substitution cried out for a defensive midfielder but brought on Sharpling instead who almost did 'Roy of the Rovers' by immediately having a great run on goal before inexperience (and a rather persistent defender) robbed him of what should have been the clincher. From this the keeper hurled the ball out which lead to a route one distribution, pinball in the area and an equaliser. With three minutes time added on still left Palace tried hard but failed to concede another. At the end the team was booed off, due more to frustration with the last ten minutes than the overall performance. I just hope Gordon Taylor dragged himself away from his ivory tower to watch that night.

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Problems? What problems?

PORTSMOUTH (2nd October 1999)

Portsmouth are a club with quite a bit in common with Palace. Players mainly with Bradbury, Svensson and Foster all arriving last year. There is also a chairman/manager who managed to be with both clubs when they went into financial meltdown. Add to that a case of administration each and off the field are pretty much in sync. On the field though there is a slight difference. Palace are squeezing the last few bits from the toothpaste tube and managing to hold themselves on the pitch and pinch the occasional win. Portsmouth now have the money but, after a great start to the season, are slipping a bit now. I did feel we could get a win but I didn't believe it would be with this type of performance.

We caned them. The final score of 4-0 doesn't really do justice. With Morrison out for a couple of months we needed Bradbury and Svensson to have good games against their former club. The former was superb with his running and, although he didn't manage to get a goal, set up two others. Svensson gave probably his best performance at Palace and is starting to show the form that made him an international. His opening strike, fed by Bradbury, was a delightful left footer from the edge of the area. He also had a header hit the bar but considering Wolves hit the woodwork three times against us it's probably not fair to complain. The defence was looking solid and the return of Fullarton added bite and vigour to the midfield. To prove he was truly back after a long spell of injury he managed to get booked. That's our Jamie.

At half-time we were ahead by only the single goal although four or five would have been a fair return for the amount of possession and territory we held. The main fear was being caught napping just after the break but it was if the first period had never ended. Just before the hour the second goal came when Thomson won a 50/50 ball and squared it across the edge of the area. Carlisle thumped a glorious drive just inside the far post. Not a bad way to get your first goal. A few minutes later Portsmouth tried to push out when an Austin header was powered in. There was a touch from a defender which put it into the path of Fan who casually lifted the ball over the oncoming keeper then gave an elegant dive to put it into the empty net. Ten minutes from the end Portsmouth had their first decent chance on target but it was easily saved. At the death there was yet another bullocking Bradbury run down the right and a wonderful cross to Mullins who, on the edge of the area, picked his spot and headed into the top corner.

Alan Ball, the Portsmouth manager, gave his team a slating for what he called a poor performance. However, Palace didn't allow them to get into any semblance of form. The front two continually marauded the defence while the back four quickly closed down attacks before they really began. A lot of this was to do with the midfield which, for the first time in a few games, was providing a decent link up between the forwards and backs as well as reducing the amount of work required by a (so far this year) overworked back four.

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