I get knocked down. Er, that's it.

A previously postponsed game which, if it turned out anything like the last home meeting of these two, was going to be a cracker. The fun started outside the ground when a number of fire engines decided to turn up. Perhaps the chairman had decided that the only way to solve the financial problems was to burn down the ground (a la Doncaster Rovers). Fortunately there didn't seem anything too untoward and kick-off was on time. This came after what was possibly the worst attempt by the announcer to get the crowd revved up for the team. It's too embarrasing to go into it here but lets hope they just drop the whole thing.

As the teams started it was going to be good watching the pace and skill of Wolves' new signing Akinbiyi in comparison to the similarly styled Morrison for Palace. Or it would have been had not the most puzzling positional decision since Sun Jihai played as striker and Woozley played as wing-back been implemented. Morrison was put in mid-field. So the top scorer, the man who is best holding the ball and turning defenders, the man who works best in tight spaces and lives off scraps in the penalty area is stuck in acres of space miles from goal. It's very difficult to criticise Saint Steve Coppell but in this case it was a shocker of a decision. It is rumoured that a few clubs are circling for him. Perhaps this was an attempt to make sure he didn't play well. It worked!

The usual bright and breezy start was made only this time it was Wolves who looked the better team. Palace settled back into the 4-4-2 system and generally looked fairly comfortable in defence. In attack they were a bit quiet until Svensson managed to get through in the area. As the keeper came out he pushed the ball wide but his shot at a now open goal was spoiled by the boot of Keith Curle who somehow managed to scramble it away for a corner. After that little flurry the visitors started looking more composed and, despite only playing a lone striker, were looking the more capable of scoring. Their best chance saw them force Digby to come out to smother the ball. It bounced up and was on its way in until the 6' 4" frame of Linighan was extended all the way and he managed to clear it for a corner.

The Wolves supporters apparently weren't too happy with Akinbiyi's performance since his big money move from Bristol City but he certainly showed his worth tonight. Fast, powerful and mobile, he was giving Fan, slotted in to central defence, headaches all night. To Fan's credit he was never totally dominated and managed to use his own pace to recover in a number of situations. However, this was the first time he had come up against a forward who matched him in size and at times he was struggling. The only time he was truly beaten though was just before half-time when a diagonal ball out to the left saw Akinbiyi in the penalty area surrounded by three defenders. Despite this he shot past them and Digby to send them into the break at one up.

At half-time words were probably said to both teams which saw them fired up for what was a very eventful second period. Palace started with the usual failure to control the ball, tending to give it away after about four passes. This had lead to the amount of self-imposed pressure in the first half. It also lead to a distinct sense of unease in the crowd which is starting to become more apparent with each game. There was also still the reliance on headers as a means of getting the ball out of defence rather than trapping and playing the ball. At times the first half resembled a game of Aussie Rules, the ball being in the air so frequently. With the crowd starting to call for Morrison to play up front Bradbury, who until then was having a quiet game, became entangled with a Wolves player who was grabbing his shirt over on the touch line. It ended with an exasperated Bradbury pushing away the Wolves player who gave an oh so innocent expression to the referee. The fact he had managed to pull Bradbury's shirt completely off and was holding it in his hand should have counted for something but the ref booked Bradbury instead. From the resulting free kick Wolves broke with an extra man but Digby managed a good save to deny them. While he had needed help from the post twice in the first half he was looking a lot more solid than at the start of the season.

When Morrison was finally allowed to run with the ball he ended up with a throw-in about ten yards out. With no Harris to launch his cruise missiles it was neccessary to put someone in for the flick on. Svennson managed to climb through thre defenders to put the ball into the area from where Bradbury, six yards out, buried it. This was the cue for Wolves to move from being physical to being dirty. Crunching tackles are an accepted part of the game, it is a contact sport after all. However, tackles from behind with no attempt to play the ball, tackles where the foot goes in high and kicking players who are down on the ground are just not on. A competant referee would handle this properly but I guess you know the rest. How on earth Kevin Muscat stayed on the pitch I have no idea. He should have had at least three yellow cards (instead of the one he actually got) and when he kicked Svennson in the head he should have gone immediately. That night he showed himself to be a vicious little arsehole and the sooner he is out of the game the better off it will be. Oh, and the ref booked Svennson for banging his head against Muscat's boot.

As the match progressed it was producing better football depsite the unwelcome fouling going on. Wolves managed to hit the post for a third time while Svensson got in ahead of the defence but just failed to keep his header down. By this time Palace were looking quite effective and had even managed to defuse a lot of the danger from Akinbiyi by implementing a pressing system against him. A lot of this was due to the enforced departure of Morrison who, in a right-back position (!!!!!), had managed to fall over and dislocate his shoulder. This brought Woozley on and the backline of Austin, Fan, Linighan and Woozley did look quite solid. At the other end Svennson was starting to revel in getting a good run (three games without an injury) and was starting to look dangerous. He isn't afraid to mix it and, unlike times last year, looks capable of scoring goals these days. He also managed to produce a delightful side foot flick behind him from a long pass to set up another attack. Bradbury also looked up for the game in the second half. After being anonymous early on the shirt-pulling incident seemed to fire him up and he did what he does best - holds the ball up and runs at defenders. Unfortunately he took this last bit one step too far five minutes from time and didn't stop when trying to close down a defender. Big striker, small defender. You can guess the result. A second yellow card and Palace were down to ten men. The rest of the game played out with no scares for either side and it ended at a fair 1-1 draw. Considering Wolves hit the post three times it was a fortunate result for Palace but the failure of the referee to clamp down on what were some horrific tackles gave Wolves the benefit of extra players they shouldn't have had left on the pitch.

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Who are these people and what have they done to Palace?

GRIMSBY (18th September 1999)

Bottom of the table with a solitary win and a mid-week kickabout against ten men with a dodgy keeper only bringing a draw. Despite this I felt confident we would win. I'm also confident that I'll win the lottery every weekend so I wasn't taking too much notice of myself. Fortunately the Grimsby keeper wasn't taking too much notice of simple tasks such as getting his arms around the ball. A Fan free kick skidded in low and hard from outside the area and the keeper couldn't hold it. Morrison turned up and gleefully buried it for 1-0 after ten minutes. If it was later in the season when the goalmouth starts to resemble the Somme it would be understandable but at the moment even the six yard box has grass on it. Well, something green anyway.

After appearing to steal a goal Palace showed their generous nature by giving the ball to Grimsby who were playing like someone had spiked their pre-match drinks. With Mogadon. I haven't seen a team so listless and uninterested since, oh, any England Euro qualifier. Despite that they did have a couple of good chances which they should have done a lot better with. They needed it by that time as Svensson (on for 20 minutes and still not injured) made a run through a few defenders before crashing into a few more. The ball bounced back to Mullins who smacked it from the edge of the area. I don't think Grimsby had scored an own goal this season and it would be cruel to class the deflection that took it past the keeper as one. We didn't care. 2-0 up and the world was suddenly a better place.

The second half started with a goal and to the total amazement of the crowd it went to Palace. A corner swung in from the left and Svensson (on for 50 minutes and still not injured) got ahead of his marker to bullet in the header. Game over. After that there was a bit of running and kicking of the ball but nothing really of interested. Surprisingly Grimsby didn't score, thus ruining Palace's run of conceding in every game. There was, however, an injury which saw the player limping off the field with a few minutes to go, leaving us with only ten men. Gasps of amazement went around the ground when we realised it wasn't Svensson, Fan being the unlucky and pained lad.

Not the best of games but the team did look more cohesive than recently. The move to a back four and a greater willingness to press the Grimsby players broke up a lot of attacks in mid-field which took pressure off the defence. This allowed Morrison and Svensson to stay further upfield rather than continually trying to break from near the halfway line as they have had to in recent games. Hopefully Coppell will stick with that formation and perhaps use Mullins as sweeper for games where we need to be extra defensive.

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Bet you never thought you'd see the word sternum used in a match report

LEICESTER (14th September 1999)

The second round of the Worthless Cup is when some of the Premiership teams go into the draw. A home fixture against one of these is always good for the bank balance, especially against a glamour team. With all apologies to Leicester they rank only slightly above Wimbledon in the sexiness stakes, more Jo Brand than Jo Guest. Add to that we played them in a friendly only last month and it doesn't look as good a tie as it may have. Plus the fact that we never beat them.

After a few weeks which has seen the first choice keeper walk out of the club and a major defender leave (both to join Barnsley who also have Bruce Dyer and Neil Shipperley and are coached by Dave Bassett - why they don't rename themselves Palace Mk 2 I don't know) things weren't looking too rosy. Losing the last four league games also didn't help, especially since the defence is starting to resemble Swiss cheese. Add to that the uncertainty over the consortium who are supposed to take over and confidence among everyone is at an all time low (which nicely matches the league position). Today saw the revelation that the Marks & Sparks heir is involved but it will now take more than St Michael to help out. Add in saints Paul, Peter, Christopher (for the away games) and a demonstration from Lazarus and we might be in with a chance. On the bright side we have actually managed to get a new player despite the transfer embargo. This is done by the simple expedient of him playing as an amateur (so he should feel right at home in the defence) in the hope that he can get a contract when the takeover is finally (if?) completed. We also had a player offered from Everton who said they would pay all his wages and expenses so it would cost us nothing. The League rejected the offer on our behalf. Hmmmm, we can't sign anyone because of monetary restrictions but we're not allowed to sign someone who costs us nothing. I can't see the League doing the same to one of the big clubs but they have refused to say why they prevented the transfer occurring. Probably because they have their tongue so far up the arses of Moan Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea, et al that they couldn't reply to a small club.

On to the game. Palace have so far scored in every game this season. They also have conceded in every game. 0-0 didn't look a likely score. Much like the recent friendly Palace started the brighter while Leicester were content to sit back. Neither keeper was forced into making a save as both sides seemed content to faff around in midfield. The only major incident was when Bradbury outpaced the defence (and I never thought I'd write that line) before Arphexad pulled off a fine save. Just before the twenty minute mark Leicester won a corner and curled it in right over the top of everyone to an unmarked Matt Elliot beyond the far post. From a very acute angle he managed to smack it against Digby's leg where it then went into the goal. Palace were about the only side not to have scored an own goal this season - not any more. After that Palace switched to headless chook mode, playing passes to the opposition and seeming to have no attacking ideas beyond a hoik down the sidelines for Morrison and Bradbury to chase. Unsurprisingly this failed to result in a goal until the great god of flukes took a hand. Trapped on the left Austin tried a pass up the centre. This screwed off the side of his boot but fell into the path of Smith who cut inside and fed our new amateur Jose Antunes. His shot was mis-kicked and was going well wide but somehow fell directly into the path of Morrison who duly equalised.

At this point the obvious things were that the team was lacking that extra spark, confidence was low, the passing was bad (Linighan was very bad) and the attack seemed short of ideas. Other than that everything was fine. What wasn't fine was the way the defence just hung off the Leicester forwards as they ran towards the box. It was going to be costly eventually and so it duly proved when a nicely weighted pass saw Neil Lennon slide the ball under Digby to restore the Leicester lead. The only point of note in the rest of the half was a delightful Austin chip on the run which found Bradbury in the area but his attempted lob was quickly shut down by the keeper.

Half time saw Leicester change their keeper, replacing him with Tim Flowers. After a bit more dire football (I paid £19 for this?) Nicky Rizzo was introduced in an attempt to spark the attack. It certainly caused that to happen. His first act was to chase back down the left and give away a free kick at the side of the area. From that the defence played Madame Tussauds as an unmarked player strolled in and headed past Digby. Another Huddersfield was looking a distinct possibility but to Palace's credit they did start looking a bit more interested. This lead to a storming run by Bradbury through the defence into the area. He touched the ball slightly too far, enough for Flowers to decide to go for it. They both went for the 50-50 ball. Bradbury got up. Flowers didn't. It took five minutes before he finally decided he couldn't continue and considering he was later found to have a broken sternum was probably a very good idea. There was absolutely no malice intended at all, it was one of those nasty accidents that happen. The referee took no action and, more significantly, no Leicester players made any complaint at all. Since their first choice keeper was also off this left Leicester with a problem. A quick game of pass-the-parcel with the keeper's jersey left the shortest player on the pitch wearing it. Since Leicester had used all three subs it also left them with only ten men. Now we had a game on our hands.

The obvious thing to do against a ring-in keeper is to pump balls into the area and have a few long range shots to test him out. There was one soft cross in ten minutes which was certainly not good enough for Palace. However, to lay the blame entirely on the attack would be to discredit the Leicester defence. They were very solid, shutting down any close range attack and disrupting those on the edge of the area. They also won just about everything in the air. Now if Palace had players of this calibre we would do very well indeed. Oh, we did have players like this but we had to sell them. Anyway, David Ellary finally gave us a free kick 25 yards out. The Leicester wall stood on the edge of the area. Um, twenty-five less eighteen is seven. I thought the wall had to be back ten yards. Silly me. While the keeper was trying to line up the wall on the near post, Fan ran up and curled it around the other side to make it 2-3. At that point the game got much better. Palace decided to attack, attack, attack and forsake defence (what else is new). The lead to a Leicester breakaway which, were it not for Linighan driving the player wide at the last moment, would have killed the game. However, Palace kept coming and a cross from the right by Smith saw a Mullins header flash into the far corner of the net. Even if Flowers had been in goal he wouldn't have stopped that one. After that the Leicester back three kept the box clear and reduced Palace to long range efforts, usually off target. The only exception was Morrison who stole up to the six yard line to meet a low cross. He has said he wants to be like Ian Wright. Unfortunately in this case his finish was more like Andy Cole and it went wide. At the end the Leicester fans were chanting "we've only got ten men". Considering scores in recent weeks I'm surprised the Holmesdale didn't respond with "you've only got three goals".

It ended at 3-3 which was a flattering result for Palace. The good points? Jamie Smith played well while Bradbury is starting to show how dangerous he can be at times. Our new Brazilian looks a bit like Ronaldo but doesn't play quite as well. He looks quite useful but seems guilty of trying to do a little too much. Considering he is in the shop window though this isn't that surprising. The team did play well when they looked interested but this was all too infrequent. It is becoming obvious that the off-field issues are starting to adversely affect the team on the pitch. The bad points? A pitiful 5,006 crowd. The defence. It is starting to look as dodgy as it was at the start of last season. This results in the midfield being dragged back to help out which reduces attacking play to a long ball. It becomes very predictable and a halfway decent opposition can easily nullify any attack before it starts. Hopefully the flashes of talent they showed will translate to League results but the game didn't really do anything to lift the growing cancer of despondency.

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