A collection of famous, and not so famous, beer quotes...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  -- Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.  -- William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  -- Ernest Hemingway

Kriek doesn't get me pished. -- Vera Green (communicator of total bollocks)

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  -- Dean Martin

Fancy a shag? -- Shallow

You're baaahng ahhht oav owdah -- Gill

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.  -- Anonymous

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.  -- Catherine Zandonella

Where's the toilet? -- J. Arthur

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.  -- Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.  -- Anonymous

Espece de salaud, je vais te casser la gueule! (you bastard, I'll smash your face in!) -- J. Arthur (whilst a pissed up Belgian tries to remove the door to the bog J. Arthur is crapping in)

Allez, bouge ton cul, vielle bique! (Come on, move your arse, old git!) -- Pissed up Belgian to J. Arthur having a dump

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truely gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.  -- Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -- Tim "The Organ"

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?  -- W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.  -- Anonymous

Doooo do doo doooo -- Andy

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  -- Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.  -- Anonymous

I love you... -- Tim "The Organ" (in conversation with scaffolding)

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  -- Stephen Wright

mmmnn mnn bzzz bzzz mnmnm bzzz -- Stephen Hawkins

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...

 -- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline  -it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.  -- Frank Zappa

Are you sure you don't fancy a shag? -- Shallow

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.  --Winston Churchill

I'm twenty-five -- Tim "The Organ"

He was a wise man who invented beer.  -- Plato

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  -- Benjamin Franklin

Look at the size of the biff on that! -- Chris the punk

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.  -- Deep Thought, Jack Handy

And there's this little nozzle that screws onto to the gas jets in the water boiler..... -- Young Bryan

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.  -- Dave Barry

That's a big clitoris you've got there - oh fuck... -- The Big Man

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.  -- Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.  -- David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.  -- Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.  -- Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  -- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.  -- George Jean Nathan

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me  - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. -- Homer Simpson

Bastard, fuckin' American toilets - why can't a man just go for a dump in peace? -- J. Arthur (in Cheers Bar, Boston)

Mr. Jennings has been knocking at the backdoor! - Alan Titmarsh

And in a different dialect (should be interesting!)

!!Jive talkin'!!

!!Elmer Fudd!!

!!Cockney!!