rants

What can I say? What is the point of having a webpage if you can't complain about the world in general? And man there is SO MUCH to complain about isn't there?

Dustmites

Look at that ugly evil bastard up there. Makes you feel sick? He does me. Cos Im allergic to the buggers. Let me tell you something about dustmites. They are way too small to see with the naked eye, yet most homes have MILLIONS of them. They live in the carpet, in your clothes, in the curtains, in the couch, (liking, as they do, the letter "C") but mainly they make merry in your er....bed. And pillows. Thousands of them. And I mean thousands. Crawling all over you as you sleep..........

Why do they like beds so much? Two main reasons. Firstly, its nice and warm and moist and humid in there, and if theres one thing your average dustmite really gets off on its humidity. And secondly, because in your bed there is a plentiful supply of food...... yep, Mr Dustmite likes nothing better than nibbling on dead skin, supping sweat and (prepare to die) lapping up any errant .....er...... sexual discharges. In fact, there tend to be more dustmites in the bed of a sexually active couple than anywhere else, because... well, yes, I dont need to go into further details, do I?

Anyway, the really horrific thing about the dustmite is the knowledge that what myself and millions of other poor sods is actually allergic to is not the actual creature itself. Nope, the allergen is actually the dustmites faeces. So when I wake up every morning a-sneezin' and a-coughin', the problem is actually that my nose is full of mite shit!

Okay, so you suffer from this allergy, what can be done? Well, you could invent a dustmite diaper I suppose, but no the real thing to do is BLITZ em with various poison stuffs you can buy. This wipes out a number of dustmites equal to the population of China in one fell swoop. What this kind of slaughter does to your Karma though is anyones guess. Problem is, its pretty much guaranteed that after a month or 2 they will be back. Bastards. I hate them.

Software Houses

Okay, I'm not actually really complaining about these guys in general, just one specific little gripe.. how can I put it?

Imagine you buy a car. The car has a fault so that when you hit 55mph the steering wheel falls off. You investigate and discover that this is actually a design fault with the car, that all cars of this particular model are affected, that the car manufacturer was well aware of this problem when the car was launched and that there is nothing you can do about it except wait & hope that the car company decides to fix it for you in due course. Would you be mad?

Right, on a smaller scale, you have bought a CD player. The CD player is fine but won't play the second track on any CD. Again, the hi-fi manufacturer knew all about this but thought "What the Hell, we'll shove it out anyway. Some fool will buy it". Would you be mad?

And on an even tinier scale, you buy a book and discover that the last chapter is missing. You call the publisher only to be told, "ah yes, we know about that. We just didnt have time to get it sorted before the publishing deadline. But we'll release the last chapter on our Website in a month or two". Would you be pissed off?

AND YET this is the kind of crap we take from software houses all the time. What other industry can you think of where the products are released to the shops in a form that is, at best, flawed but often so riddled with problems as to make them virtually unusable without "patches" and "fixes"? Why? Do these people not test the software? Do they not play the games? Do they not think "Hold on...this doesnt work does it??" Of course they do. But then they release the thing anyway with an attitude of "we can always fix it later if enough people complain. But, you never know, we may get away with it..."

Im sorry, it just really makes me seethe.

Cable Companies

Once again, mebbe a tad strange to be using a web site to moan about this but, I'm sorry, it just has to be said.

I'm not picking on anyone in particular here - although the initials DC do spring to mind for some reason - but cable companies in general really get on my gonads in a big way. I know, I know, cable is part of the Digital Revolution^tm and is a integral part of the Information Superhighway^tm but do they have to be quite so messy?? Throughout Britain leafy country lanes suddenly have mysterious rivers of black tarmac running through them as the cable companies dig up the highways and byways of this fair nation. Ha! Know that beautiful house you just bought in a picturesque cul-de-sac? Not so pretty now, is it? Not with lumps of tarmac strewn all over the place.

And where do they get the workmen from? Remember that guy at school, y'know the one who couldn't read without moving his lips? The one who sat at the front in every lesson, so the teacher could keep an eye on him? Yes! They have all, without fail, managed to get employment with your friendly, neighbourhood cable company. It is the very dregs of the proletariat getting their revenge for inflicting them with the tax on stupidity that is the National Lottery.

And why is all this happening? Basically so that people with nothing better to do can while away otherwise wasted hours watching Star Trek ....... in German.

And don't give me any cutting edge of technology bull. The wonder of TV was always the way it plucked pictures out of the very air itself. This, along with radio, was a genuine miracle. Instead of wires running around everywhere making the place look untidy, the pictures and sounds flew through the air into your home! It was with a sense of some wonder that our grandfathers called the radio the Wireless. Now, to replace that wondrous technological marvel, what do we do? Yep, we lay down, lets not kid ourselves here, mile upon endless mile of wires.

I know this sounds like some NIMBY rage from a Daily Mail letters page, but why oh why oh why oh why.....????

more whinges to come.........

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the casual chelonian

"..and if the worm does turn, and if London burns, I'll be standing on a beach with my guitar .."