Paul speaks to Edges from our Rehab Unit
I am 28 years of age. When I was 23 I got into drugs, cocaine was my drug of choice. I had joined the army when I was 17 and my life there was excellent, great. I had to leave the army because I got custody of my son in 2007 after my wife left.
There was no structure to my life then, everything was organised in the army, we were told what to do where to go, everything was done. There was nothing there when I got out, I was lost.
I started going out, socialising, getting high but only at weekends, then if I felt ill on Sunday I would take something to make me feel better; then on Wednesday too and this progressed to everyday. I was in it too deep.
Some of the worst moments in my addiction include being too scared to go to the toilet, tip-toeing round the house, becoming paranoid. I wouldn’t even get up to go to the toilet, I would use a bottle I was that scared. I stole my mother’s credit card to get money, £3,000, manipulating my parents against each other to get money. I tried to get money from those who were the closest in my life; those who had looked after me; I was a nasty person.
I had my son for 7 years, I had the opportunity to be an excellent father, but I used to take him to the drug dealer’s house and rushed everything. I rushed my son to bed so that he wouldn’t see the drugs. I wanted to be a good dad like mine had been, I wanted to bring him up without drugs like I had, but I lost custody because of the drugs; this was the hardest thing of all.
When I was growing up with my three older brothers I had a good childhood, we did Judo, Karate, football, we were a normal family. When I was 13 or 14 I got in with the wrong crowd; we were stealing cars, lighting fires, used Ecstasy and acid a couple of times. I could see when I was 17 that I was on the wrong path and so I joined the army. It was good but also hard. From 2004-2006 I was in Northern Ireland, this was the best time of my life, then 2006 in Cyprus and Iraq. I lost a couple of friends there, this was hard. But the worst thing was when I had been there for a couple of months my ex-wife got my son to say ‘Daddy I hope you die.’ That was hard, I didn’t get to talk to my son again. It was rough being in Iraq and very hard to take that. My mind wasn’t on the job then. I went to Jordan the most beautiful place I have seen. I got to see places that I never would have seen.
My life became unmanageable, I had lost my son, my family wouldn’t let me into their homes. It was my own doing. I stole from them, from hotels, slept on friends’ settees etc. I would probably have been on the streets, worse with drugs if I had not gone into rehab. It’s not easy getting off the drugs. Since coming into THOMAS I have realised I had real problems with cocaine and alcohol and I can see how others find it hard with the kind of drugs they have taken. I am lucky to be doing this at 28 years old .But this programme in THOMAS is a good one, everyone can see it working and speaks highly of it, they say you have to stick it out for the first few weeks, they swear by it. I was lucky I haven’t done drugs as long as some. It’s a God-send getting off the drugs at 28 years of age, some are 45+ when they do it.
As I look ahead I hope for a longer and better life, get my son back and have a good relationship with him which is what I have always wanted and I say thank you to THOMAS