Ralph Malph (28), a well known local character was found dead yesterday, drowned in Stream Woods.

Christopher Fithers (46), who found the body whilst walking his dog tells us what he saw. "Me and Rhino was walking through the woods, like we normally do, then I see him, just lying there in a heap. At first I think it's a pile of old clothes, like people sometimes dump. But then I see the hair. That was when I get worried. And then I go and have a look and it's like a body. It was really grim."

Police are not treating this as murder. "It seems like Mr Malph has died through excess of

alcohol," Sergeant Wren of Hertfordshire Constabulary told us. "He was last seen leaving The Eight bells in Old Hatfield. He must have taken a short cut to his home through Stream Woods when, due to the amount of alcohol in his system, he collapsed and fell into the stream and because of this, drowned." Police are asking anyone who may have seen Mr Malph walking home to come forward to help.

A friend of Mr Malph, Keith O'Connell (20) who was one of a group of friends drinking with Ralph on the night of his death said; "I don't know what to say. I'm Stunned. You know, Ralph was.. Ralph, you know. I'm stunned."

GOTHS GET THE MASCARA KICKED OUT OF THEM!

Police are becoming alarmed at a new wave of violence targeting the minority group of 'Goths'. Divine X (16) told us this; "It's the norms, they just won't let us be. It's always the way. No one understands us." Police seem to be blaming the rise in violence on the now infamous talks given by Baron Von Wampktcher. This is very similar to scenes in America where different people were targeted for being 'Vampires'.

CAT STUCK IN DRAIN

Whiskers, a two month old kitten, had a narrow escape last night as it was finally rescued from the open drain that she had fallen in. Mrs Kelling Goddings (55), the owner of the lucky cat was celebrating with friends. "I'm so relieved," Mrs Goddings said, "She's just a part of the family. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost her." Whiskers is fine.

SINGING SENSATION SAIDO!

A new singer on the local circuit, Saido, made quite a name for herself last week. A small 'Gig' became the scene of near mass rioting as fans tried to get on stage to touch the star. Appearing at the 'All nighter', a club in Watford, Saido was only billed second. However, once her set was finished and 'Gob'N'Spit', the heavy rock band who headed the night, came on stage, the booing from the audience made them think twice about following the sexy singer. Phil Snot, singer and front man of the band, said; "It was like mental, you know. Those guys were there to see us, but the second we stepped out, Ken, our drummer, get an empty can of Fosters in the face. They didn't want to know. but she was good, nice looking too." Indeed, the talented starlet was nearly mobbed when she tried to leave the venue. Unfortunately, we have been unable to interview her - however, we will keep you posted as to when and where her next gig is.

Neptune, the ice and gas planet long thought to be too inhospitable for life, is suddenly being seen in a new light. The return of information from the Hubble Telescope, gained as it was facing the wrong way during repairs, seems to indicate that Neptune might in fact have life

contained in the ice core. The evidence, at the moment, is sparse, but NASA are now engagin in a 3 billion dollar program that will, if successful, be able to bring us news of whether or not there is indeed life in our solar system by the year 2177.