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Pun and Games

In this section, ‘Pun & Games’ are the collected senryu—to use the Japanese term—of the Great Master that are not to be found in any of the other groves.  The senryu is more informal and light-hearted than the true haiku and makes no claim to season words or Zen insights.  There are many meaning shifts and plays on words.  The senryu can certainly make you think—but it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t—see each as a bit of fun.

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Fun in East Anglia

  1. The best Suffolk girls
    Have splendid tits and Ipswich
    Is Orwell and good
  2. Not new to Suffolk—
    We’ve always had BSE
    (Bury St Edmunds)
  3. Suffolk and Norfolk
    Agree only on Norfolk:
    It’s Norfolk ’n’ good.
  4. The Ipswich Strangler
    Is Indian.  Cause of death
    —By Suffolk Asian
  5. Boudicca winning!
    Palace renamed ‘Done Roman’
    —Our first Essex girl
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Indoor Games

  1. Partner engagement
    Contract made in diamonds
    For she trumps my heart
  2. A bridge between us?
    With two hearts vulnerable
    One can’t play dummy
  3. Lambeth conference
    Vicars take snaps of vicars
    B x B
  4. Cleric’s dirty book
    Stolen by a big black bird
    R x BP
  5. That cruise.  We played chess
    How I remember, on board
    Our knights together
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Clean fun

  1. Trains and typewriters
    Have, at the end of the line
    —A carriage return
  2. Children in Sussex
    Are living in confusion
    —Why are the Downs up?
  3. Northern Fell walking
    —It sounds very dangerous
    Yet none fell, walking
  4. Sent to kill the cat
    Desperate feline fight-back
    —Needed nine bullets
  5. A football linesman
    And a Scottish distiller
    Still keeping in touch
  6. Even more bullshit
    From personnel department
    HR puff and stuff
  7. My brother Robert
    Told my kids: ‘Treat me nicely
    —And Bob’s your uncle’
  8. My sister Janice
    Was turned into an oak tree
    —She still hates fellers
  9. Black, round, flat—with grooves
    All of twelve inches across
    Is this a record?
  10. Scratched 78
    Humph playing ‘Bad Penny Blues’
    ’til the spring winds down
    [note the use of a season word]
  11. A breakfast in bed
    What luxury!  But oh crumbs!
    —Now the yolk’s on me
  12. Anchorage party
    ‘Yukon see she’s unhappy’
    ‘Alaska to dance’
  13. There’s been a meltdown
    They leave a sign on the door
    ‘Sorry, gone fission’
  14. Two unknown rivers
    Flow in the West of England
    The X and the Y
  15. Sheffield Wednesday
    A right daft name for a club
    Any day of week
  16. Fido’s gone missing
    Away three nights the blighter
    —A doggone problem!
  17. Not the life and soul
    Just a burden round your neck
    My mate Albert Ross
  18. Olympic bikers
    Count in cycles per second
    As well as in hurts
  19. Teaching my parrot
    Not just short, easy words but
    Polly syllables!
  20. Lost at Waterloo
    Small stature, bossy Frenchman
    —Name of Bonaparte?
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Other Fun

  1. Castration complex
    Chap seeks bondage freak (Brighton)
    —Cut off by the tied!
  2. Can Viagra turn
    Three and a half inch floppies
    Into firm, hard drives?
  3. The impotence club
    There’s one thing it doesn’t have
    —Long standing members
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Ending in 5

  1. A deathwatch beetle?
    Surely not.  Could be a bomb...?
    Tick tick tick tick................tick
  2. It’s back-breaking work
    Weeding my market garden
    Hoe hoe hoe hoe hoe
  3. Santa interviewed.
    Children puzzled by answers
    Ho ho ho ho ho
  4. Says girl from Praha
    ‘Before sex, we laugh, us Czechs
    Ha ha ha ha ha’
  5. Very randy ram
    Goes looking for volunteers
    Ewe, ewe, ewe, and ewe!
  6. Hundred K in debt
    Which is just 1, followed by
    Owe, owe, owe, owe, owe
  7. Excuse me, old chap
    But is this the Barking train?
    Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
  8. Famous archbishop
    Has it out with his brother
    Tutu to Tutu
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Copied—yet original

  1. Photocopiers
    Show you where to find preserves:
    Jam Indicator
  2. Photocopiers
    Show you where hungry frogs go
    Hopper is empty
  3. Photocopiers
    In the morning, like lizards
    Take time to warm up
  4. Photocopiers
    Have brought some changes; wherefore
    Art thou, Roneo?
  5. Photocopier
    Turns my world to shades of grey:
    Toner running out
  6. Machine incomplete
    Deprived of its metaphor
    Works without spanner
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  1. La plume de ma tante
    Est dans la bibliotheque
    —Mais ou est ma tante?
  2. Mon postillion
    A été frappé, crois-je—
    Mais par un éclair?
  3. Der Uhr geht es schlecht
    Wir müssen es schicken zum

    [Translation of the cuckoo hospital haiku from the ‘Birds’ great haiku]
  4. Owned by a pizza?
    The random apostrophe
    Raises the question
  5. Beetroot’s and carrots’—
    Greengrocers’ apostrophes
    Invoking their veg
  6. Between you and I
    Grammar’s my principle strength.
    Coarse, you should of known.
Little frog


  1. Needles in haystacks
    Are ever harder to find
    First find your haystack
  2. Haystack rarity
    Means today’s needle-seekers
    Often fail to start
  3. Poetic insight
    Mostly swamped by doggerel
    Needles in haystacks
  4. Once famous wrestler
    Resorts to acupuncture:
    Needles in Haystacks
  5. ‘Boogger the needle—
    Can’t find the effing haystack’
    He cries ricklessly
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Hall of Presidents

  1. Unfair to actors
    When Lincoln makes a visit
    The play is upstaged
  2. Is it a rule that
    All US presidents have
    Silly middle names?
  3. Then there’s FDR
    Delano’s not odd enough—
    Must choose daft surname
  4. Harry ‘S’ Truman
    They say the S was just that
    Shorter than silly
  5. US Election
    Ike, who, rhymes with haiku, in
  6. US President
    JFK—shot in Dallas
    (But so was JR)
  7. Who on earth would go
    All the way with LBJ?
    Sounds like a disease
  8. US President
    One Richard ‘Milhous’ Nixon
    Water gate closes
  9. US President
    Ronald Reagan, movie star
    Made reel, real history
  10. Other presidents
    Are known by their names, but Bill...
    By his Monica
  11. Al Gore’s wife’s ‘Tipper’.
    Were his earlier sweethearts
    Dumptruck?  JCB?
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Current Affairs

Well … not as current as they once were.

  1. Will Branson prevail
    And end committee-designed
  2. Petrol price hike—who
    Decided to pump them up?
    Esso annoying
  3. Fuel protesters
    Get police kid-glove treatment
    —They’re not coalminers
  4. They whinge about costs—
    They’d have no need to protest
    If farmers rode bikes
  5. The ‘People’s Princess’
    Alas, so soon forgotten
    —Dead as a Dodi
  6. More leaves on the line
    ‘Euston—we have a problem’
    The rest is PR
  7. Hard to Brighton up
    The Party.  The trouble is
    It’s all gone Blair-shaped
  8. View from Tate Modern
    Troubled bridge over water
    —Half remembered song?
  9. After Salmond’s leap
    Who will become the new head
    Of the Celtic fringe?
  10. West Indies batsmen
    Score low without recompense
    Not South Africans
  11. West Indies batsmen
    Under-score at Headingley
    Small number of runs
  12. Interesting weather—
    Eastbourne lifeboat saving lives
    Eighteen miles inland!
  13. Step by step by step
    The water brims my staircase
    —Claim form safe and dry
  14. Great operators!
    Give ’em an ’AND for an OaR
    —Redgrave and Pinsent
  15. New Balkans crisis
    Slobodan Milosovic
    —Old fashioned tyrant
  16. Submarine horror
    He, Putin, an appearance
    No way good enough
  17. US Election
    Not a lot to choose between
    George Gush and Al Bore
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Little frog